O you.

Why you?

Why not somebody else?

Because i chose you.

Yes, you.

Don't just sit there.

Get up and do something.

Do something for me.

Yes, for me.

Nobody ever do stuff for me.

Why don't you start it?

Because i am just as clueless as you in this.

you don't understand.
i'm tired of making people understand.

YOU,

kill yourself.
make the world a better place.
for you and for me,
and the entire human race or non-human race.

you don't give a shit.
nobody does.
your silence affected me.
and it affected them too.

carpe diem.
but the day has not been here for long.
we kill it with our sarcasm and bitterness.
we kill the night without lack of passion.

what do you know about me?
what do you know if you don't ask me?
you know nothing about me,
and you make your own speculation, just because you are so engrossed in suspecting.

you make your claims that were never true.
you believe in lies that were never truths.

what lies beneath never uncovered.
so much so for fair solidarity.

are you there or my internet connection has been a bitch lately?

i'm sad today

.FLV

Redemption.
Counting distance.
Counting time.

When this is all over,
We'll all go our ways,
Eternal freedom or endless entrapment,
It's all in our doings.

When it's time to go,
We go back to the same soil,
Status slipping, name dipping,
All that gold is not gold after all.

Retribution,
Not feelin' so good now, are you?
Sooner or later, you will pay.

T.O.P.

Your constant nagging freaked me out.
I felt like getting out and hide under a rock.

Maybe I ought.
But then, who is going to fix me food?
Worm under the rock doesn’t eat rice.
They eat whatever worms eat.

It is not easy being human.
You have to think about a lot of things.
Food, shelter, water, sanitary pads, compact powders, lotion, hand phones, ear phones, laptop, antivirus, wedges, lesson plans, down payments, salary, investment, relationshits, feelings, emotions, logic, reasoning, needs, desires, wants; see, the list never ends.

Maybe I ought to take a time out.
I am living one quarter of normal people usually do, but I am feeling tired already.
Anybody want a time out?

Let’s abandon the ship and be cowards for once.
Let’s run away to La Isla Bonita.
Let’s sinned and never accept redemption.

We know what is good for us but we still want to be bad.
We think but we never turn to our thinking when situations need us to do so.
We feel but we never let emotions rule us in times of despair.
Not even from the creator, we fear our own shadows.

Don’t you want me to stay?
Don’t you want me to pay for my mistakes?
Don’t you want me to play for my team?

Heartbreaks, meltdowns, what doesn’t kill you make you stronger.
What doesn’t make you stronger make you vigilant.
What doesn’t make you vigilant make you suspicious.
What doesn’t make you suspicious make you distrustful.

Shelter me from the rays of hate.
Home me from the fire of vengeance.
Immune me from the waste of remorse.

Temporary protection.
Momentary happiness.
Short-lived joy.
Oh baby, I don’t miss you.

EXISTENCE

Why are we here?

We question our existence.

Are put here to destroy every single thing that has been here before us?

Or are we here to remedy what has been destroyed by the existence before us.

We are the very existence that controls the things around here.

We are the bad ass around here.

Everybody bow down to us.

So much so we feel we are bigger than others.

While in fact, we are just a speck of dust on the angel wings.

We are just a small microbe in the wide open sea.

We are just a tiny dot up in the big blue sky.

Have we forgotten where we belong?

Helpless and begging for mercy.

We never think we needed any help.

Because we are able-bodied.

We look down on others.

Because they don’t quite match up to our standards.

Who are they to tell us we were wrong?

Nobody dares.
Nobody tries.

Because we are the king of the world.

We are better than others.
We trample others who don’t conform to us.
We are the best nation in the world.

So much so,
That we couldn’t differentiate attacking from defending.
We fight terror with terror.

We make them scare.
We pour their blood on our land.
We inflict pain and fear to demand soil.

Soil that we claimed ours.
Even when we were just stopping by.
But we draw the imaginary lines.
The lines that we claimed legit.
We make our own rules.

We bend it to our importance.
The nations cannot touch us.
Because we are invicible.

The world is ours.
Wait for our insurrection.
You’ll see.

TRADE IN

Souls trade in available here.
Old soul for new.
Tarnished or god-forsaken souls accepted too.

Put your self-righteous attitude to someone else,
Because I’m every contradictions you’re going to see.

Whether you accept or deny,
I refuse to live a life of lies.

Your approval is a liability,
Not a mirror of my ability.

I’m not your friend nor foe,
Once you taste me, you’re going to need more.

You never see me cry,
Because I always try.

PETER BIT A BIT OF PEPPER

I’m a bit used.
I’m a bit confused.

I’m a bit sad.
I’m a bit bad.

I’m a bit furious.
I’m a bit curious.

I’m a bit quiet.
I’m a bit tired.

I’m a bit indifferent.
I’m a bit tolerant.

I’m a bit bold.
I’m a bit cold.

FUTILE

I won’t try to make you feel less sorry.
You reap what you sow.

It’s not my business to make you feel better.
You bear the consequences.

It’s not my doing that we break each others’ hearts.
You were the one who told me to go away.

I won’t let you control my intuition again.
You cannot undo what has been done.

You break me
You insult me
You tear my life apart
You bury my hope forever
You lie to me
You disappoint me
You create dreams that were never alive
You destroy my hopes that were burning bright.

Even though you cannot afford me
You, arrogant prick
Couldn’t stop boasting
Maybe you had me
But you never had my love.

MY LATEST SPLURGE

GAZA

Disorder, sacred disruption.
Walls, imaginary borders.
Revision, leads to expulsion.
Hunger, humiliation, heart broken.
Instigated anger.

Help, never comes.
Hope, never leaves.
Faith, slowly fading.
Truth, covered up.

We burned the night sky.
We hurt the soil.

Rules are bent, brittle bones.
Warnings are mocked, brewing blood.

Are you going to stand there and do nothing?
How can you sleep at night when I wake up all day?

Gentle persuasion doesn’t work, aggressive attack doesn’t work.
Not even a playful tick can resolve.
Humanity is dead.

PAST TIME ACTIVITY

Formica table top.
Bed and chairs and stairs.
Mine and yours.
Sweet whispers and slow talking.
One hand up, one leg down.
Stroking, smelling, licking.
I know, you want.
Labored breathings.
Movements, jerking.
Red-faced, short beats.
Racing pulse.
Curling toes.
You know, I want.
Stop, I have doubts.
Maybe, I don’t know.
How would I know?
Do you know?
Can you tell me?
Perhaps, another time.
This time, I want it.
So do you.
Let’s go.
There is nothing self-righteous about what we do.
Just do it.
Right or wrong?
Well, this just feels right.
Don’t forsake me now.
Don’t leave now.
I know you will someday.
But not now.
Please.
Because I need your warmth to cool me off.
Pronto.

It is one of those days that I am glad I never did what I have done. For fear of failing, many run away and never look back because they are so afraid things would not look so rosy when they decided to hitch the band wagon. Everyone of us do feel what we are doing is the same mistake that occur every day. Lest we forget, without those mistakes, we would never learn what we need in order to be where we truly belong. How do we know what to do, what to say, what to think and what to feel? Not everyone knows their true vocation. Not everyone knows their reckoning. Some of us go through breathing days doing things that do not even make sense to the doer. But we continue doing it, because we know there are rewards at the end of the day. The philosophy of what we are doing may not apply to you and me. Some people take the easy way out and refuse to work. Instead, just give up and hope to die. Some people take it harder than others. Some people had it easy. Yes or no, it is up to you. And certain people who stand in your way.

63 (4)

I am tired of reading notes that are worthless of my time.

I am tired of saying the same things over and over again to somebody who does not understand.

I am tired of looking at the same words of affection which further instigates my hate to you.

I am tired of telling you things will never be the same, despite the sweet but empty promises.

I am tired of thinking why you just would not stop bothering me with useless reminiscence from a time that was lost forever.

I am tired of feeling that I would never trust you again, no matter how remorseful you feel.

I am tired of going back and forth in a tie that would never see a loser or a winner.

I am tired of singing the same old song of misery and uncertainty.

I am tired of wishing things never happened and irreversible mistakes never made.

GREETINGS, EARTHLINGS

It does not matter whether you are stupid or intelligent. The bottom line is, if you don’t have the manner to treat the very person that teaches you day in and day out, you are just asking for it. Manners, or ‘adab’ or the lack of it, or ‘kurang ajar’ is simply not tolerated in my vicinity. When somebody comes into your class, and you pretend like you’re deaf and dumb, how do you think the person think? Especially the person is the very person that will teach you something that you don’t even know exists before? The person is not asking for any type of standing ovation but at least do acknowledge the other person’s existence. Don’t be so rude. And don’t be so ignorant. Maybe your parents haven’t taught you well, but when you have been told a couple of hundred gazillion times, do put that into that thick head of yours. We have some manners of etiquette that we live by. Some people don’t follow it because they think it’s bullshit. However, until you are qualified and allowed to even think all this is bullshit, you are hereby adhered to the rules and regulations listed by the institution that you are currently residing in. Not that hard of a thing to do, right? Considering the fact you are still a minor and what you say will be supported or neglected by the powers that be, you have to follow the rules and regulations. Even the food on the table is not yours, not even the clothes on your body. So don’t pretend you are so smart and able to live by yourself, because the fact is you would not have been here if it wasn’t for those people that you are ashamed to acknowledge. Do have a bit of courtesy and wipe that smug of your face and sit up straight and don’t slump on the chair and don’t talk when somebody is explaining something and answer when people ask you things. Do you know how annoying it is to ask something and get ignored instead. Because we are the ones who will stay here when you out there, fending for yourself, and asking respect in return from somebody that deserve your respect but don’t want to give it.

HANDOUT

There are many people asking for handout where I live. In the restaurant, while I’m eating with my mom, there was woman giving salam and expecting everybody to give her money.

Where I work, each and everyday, there will be at least one person, asking for handout, may it be, money to study religion, to build mosque, to live and look after 5 children even though the father is blind and the list goes on.

It’s not that I am not compassionate. I glanced away when a kid is about to be punished with a stroke of ‘rotan’. I stop watching the news about Gaza because I can’t stand seeing the kids all bloodied and being dead just because they were the wrong place, at the wrong time. And I can’t stand seeing posters of kids who are so thin from starvation and could die at any moment. I can’t even watch animals being butchered for their skin and meat. Although I listened to heavy metal and think Manson is not a devil worshipper, but alas, as a human being, I do have compassion and conscience to think that dropping bombs and killing children will not contribute to world peace.

In shorter words, I do respect humanity and I do feel empathy towards those less fortunate people. Nonetheless, a lot of those people asking for handout are still young, able-bodies but they took the easy way out to live by asking money from people. Everybody suffer. Everybody cries. Everybody has to move their goddamn asses and get a job in order to survive. Don’t expect people to pity you and give money just because you got a piece of paper saying you are asking for money because you are not capable of working but you are able to have 5 kids and still counting.

I sympathize those who work hard at life but still continue to work hard and refuse to give up just because life has been hard. I admire those who are still hanging on and hope life would be better. At least they dare to dream and hope for the betterment of their life. Nobody expects life to be kind. A lot of people live day by day and not knowing whether they survive another day tomorrow. At least we are here in Malaysia where no goddamn bomb is going to blow away our home in a millisecond. At least we have a stable government who gives us bonus every year. At least we get food, water, shelter, and petrol to fuel our cars. Still, we are ignorant of our blessings than we continue to complain and bitch about everything that does not go in the way that we thought it will.

Life is hard. Suck it up like a punch to the face and try hard not to flinch. Not everybody will be nice to you. Not everything that you want, you will get. It is hard for everybody. Just because somebody has money, does not mean they are happy. Just because someone is poor, does not mean he is miserable. The definition of life is different from one person to another. Everybody has to work, everybody has to taste the bitterness of life before they could taste the sweet victory. That is why I despise people who keep asking for handout, people who won’t work to shoulder the responsibility they have been entrusted upon. The point is life is hard and don’t expect people to pity you and help you everytime you fall. Sometime, you have to grit your teeth and bear it all. And hope that life would not be so bad to you. If you can walk, then crawl. If you can crawl, then lie there and hope not to die. But to be healthy and able and not working, expecting people to help you everytime you feel shitty, that is pure cowardice.

POGP

Someone, please do my laporan orientasi for me.

And I will give you a free voucher for 3 large pizzas, made by truly yours and truly yours’ mom 

When will I grow up?
Shedding worries and holding responsibilities.

When will I grow up?
Do something with my hand and make something with my mind.

When will I grow up?
Stop learning useless facts and vomit them out for exam.

When will I grow up?
Buy cars and pimps my girlfriend out.

When will I grow up?
Have what I want, whenever I want.

When will I grow up?
Do that chick and never call her again.

When will I grow up?
I don’t think I would ever marry.

When will I grow up?
Before I die and live a life of useless existence.

MULTI POINTLESS POST TO COMMEMORATE MY SINGLEDOM

There is a whole animal kingdom at my workplace.

When I was relishing the fact of human nature in the safe haven, a creepy crawly emerged from nowhere.

Luckily, I am not the one who screams. Or else, people would be probably wondering whether I am having a baby in there.

They say there are perks if you are working in a secluded area.

Less stress, less workload, less pushing around.

If everyone is as vulgar as your neighbour next door, the world would be a better place where people really say what they mean, speak out what is wrong to their eyes, and making the job of interpretation less subtle to the recipient of the conversation.

When everybody is so hush hush, and afraid to say a word for fear being labeled as the odd one, that is when misunderstanding occurred. You say something and assume the other person understand every word, every inflection in your conversation, every meaning intended or unintended. While in fact, they don’t understand your words, let alone your meaning. And when the other person don’t understand or don’t act the way you thought you asked them to do so, you became frustrated and you lashed out by critically remarking every move made by the other person. While the other person continued to live in utter ignorance of what you felt, you continue feeling distressed and wondered why the other person could not be bothered with following what you thought you have said to them.

Hence, saying what you mean and meaning what you say is very important. Don’t say something while in fact you are stating another fact in your argument. Don’t say something that try to imply something else in the hope that the other person would hopefully get what you mean. Some people are more thick-headed than others; they don’t get those sarcastic remarks or that mocking comments that you hurled their way. They don’t understand you are trying to tell them what they should or should not do if you didn’t say the do’s and don’ts straightforward to them. If you think your sardonic tone and constant hammering of insults can miraculously change them, dream on because these people are truly the manifestation of the saying ‘ignorance is bliss’.

The virtue of being straight forward is hardly existent in our Malaysian way of life. We are so discreet in our daily dealings that we would never think of commenting people straight on the spot. We usually would talk about that people to somebody else, so by the time the deed is done, the whole neighbourhood knows about that person’s weaknesses, except the person being talked about, of course. He/she would truly be oblivious to the fact that other people have been talking about him/her for quite some time. Nobody would truly be brave enough to say up front and face to face to that person about his/her weaknesses but think that it is okay to talk about it with a whole load of other people. This is visibly apparent in the Malay culture, which really holds to the notion of ‘menjaga hati’ or to save your relationship with that person as not everybody can accept critical comments about themselves. No wonder the Malays never change because for the past hundred years into civilization, we are still afraid to say the truth albeit the fact staring hard at us, taunting us to say it out loud while we clutched dearly to our notion of ‘mejaga hati’.

What can we do to change the way Malaysians, more specifically Malays think? Like my friend and I used to say, it is easier to move mountains than to change people’s perception or the way they think. They way we think has been ingrained inside us since the earliest of our existence, inherited from our ancestors and accumulated over the years. We wants our children to think like us, to follow our heritage, taking in the good and indirectly the bad as well, so much so that we think our culture is perfect and not changes need to be done to the way we think or the way we deal with everyday people. That is where we are wrong. Humans are the fastest evolving species in the animal kingdom; in fact we are still evolving with the advent of technological procedures in terms of medical and pharmaceutical practices. Today, we have people looking like a giant feline (take note high cheek bone, and stretched skin, not to mention collagen filled lips, it remains a wonder why they didn’t include the whiskers as well) and they think being a giant cat looks seductive and that would make them look beautiful in the eyes of the people. We live day to day, to impress people we cannot stand and do things we hate, and we continue living in denial for fear of social rejection and alienation if we intended to do things our way and try to break free from the mould every once in a while. We continue doing pointless things and pursuing pointless revenues for the vision that by doing so would make us lead a secured life in the future. We always think about the future, what it would be like living 20 years from now, so much so that we forget carpe diem a.k.a seize the day and live each day as it comes. We are so drawn to what could have been instead of what can be done now, in the moment and not some odd 20 years later. It remains such a mystery why we are so intrigued with a secured life by working our asses off for fear we might rot our way when we are old and wrinkly and need adult diapers. We forget to live in the moment, to do stupid things and crazy shits for fear there would be no future for us. In other words, we are afraid to have a good time as too much laugh would bring about tears, or so our grandmother says.

By having a good time I don’t mean wasting your life away every night (but I bear no ill judgements to people who do, its your life, do what you want with it) but to think that everyday is a waste if not enjoyed to the fullest. I am lucky in my line of work, weekends are off and I could do whatever I want on those short 2 days, unlike my counterparts who have to work day in, day out just so they would not get sacked for not being creative and innovative enough all the time. We are working so much for every materialistic possession we could get our hands on, that we forget those things don’t guarantee us happiness. But in this world, where everything goes well with money, those things are the substitute for that elusive part of life called happiness that all of us are desperately searching for. Falling in love gives headache, especially with all the perverts and weirdos out there who are just waiting for a victim as gullible as newly working girl who is wide-eyes to sample the world. Buying a car is so much easier. The only commitment you must give is to your repayment, if you don’t the bank would blacklist you, seizing your opportunity for more material things that could compensate for that curvy line on your face. It is not a wonder that more and more young, urban and professionals choose not to marry as the complication that come along with marriage(divorce, high cost of maintaining children and medical expenses, education expenses, not to mention the probability of getting snooty kids are also in the question) far outweighs the perks of being single and free and having to answer to no-one, except your employer, your parents and those distant relatives of yours who would, no doubt ask that million dollar question, “kenapa tak nak kahwin, memilih sangat ke?” in that condescending tone that you only know too well. But alas, that question would only be asked during raya when you would meet them or only when you occasionally meet them. Thus, proving that being single and buying whatever the fuck your mind desires can be achieved if you are living on your own and does not have to support your good for nothing husband.

In the old days, women expect to marry as early as they can. And they depend on their husbands to provide for them. Men were the savior for women during those times when men can be counted on and they actually ‘worked’ for a living. Nowadays, there are so many spoilt boys nurtured by over-bearing mothers who thinks that their son is the king of the world and deserves Miss America as a wife. The wife for their baby son must be perfect, inside and out, not considering the fact whether their son is a good for nothing, two-timing cheating bastard. But who cares about that, what we want is a domesticated and subservient wife who would be a baby bank and cook and wash and sweep until the end of time, without salary and no benefits, not even dental. While the husband runs along and find better, younger looking wife, the old wife gets stuck at a disadvantage, tending after husband who would think their ego would fall off as well as their dick if they say ‘thank you’ to their wife and also unappreciative children, who hates their mother and think that smoking and having sex without a condom is cool.

Which brings us to another issue, of unwanted babies pictured in the newspapers day in and day out. It’s time for some sex education, please! Stop talking about it and implement it already. What’s the worst that could happen? These kids know how to put a dick in a vagina, I am sure that they can handle sex education. This boils back to the fact that we are so tight lipped to talk about such an important part of growing up that we prefer our teenagers experimenting and making as many unwanted babies and littered those poor little souls around. What ever happened to humanity? A cat would leave her kitten, a mother duck would wait for her little ducklings, but a human mother is capable of giving birth and leaving her baby just like that? I’m not pro-life or pro-abortion, but I was hoping these teenagers still have fear and compassion in them. But apparently, I am so wrong.

They say just get that kid to marry off and all of our lives would be better. To me, marriage is not the solution. In fact it would bring even more trouble. When these kids got married, they would have more children. With no education and skills to survive, how are they going to fend for themselves? Thus, the poverty level would increase. Malaysian would go backward instead of forward. Is that what we want for our country? We strive to be a developed nation by 2020. Well, the only thing that we are developed in would be making babies and poorer citizens in terms of economics and education. It takes more to make a marriage works, and the fear of these kids having more babies out of wedlock is not a sound reason. If to have legal sex is the only reason for you to get married, then the sanctity of a marriage institution is lost altogether. “Nak elak maksiat”, that is the most common reason for someone with nothing to prepared for the married world to get married despite the fact that he/she/they are not capable of building a marriage, i.e no job, no knowledge, no clue of what marriage is. Even me, who already have a job, considered stable in life with an almost secured future are not thinking of marriage, where I have to submit to a man to make my way to heaven. There are aspects of myself that I need to improve, I can’t even take care of myself, let alone another human being and another little human beings that might come along with it. There is no fun in marriage. The fun may last about a month and then there is another new world that you have to worry about. How to make a good family and how to make good kids and give them what they need and everything. All in all, I am just not ready for that big of a responsibility and I don’t want ruin other people’s lives in case I fail.

So, boys and girls, this rambling which started as a spider crawling out when I was taking a dump took a detour where we have talked about the working world, communication skills, the Malay culture, plastic surgery, the price of happiness, cultural expectation on each genders, sex out of wedlock and of course the grandeur of the married world. Well, multi issues in a single post, that what I call an economized writing!

NEVERENDING LIES

Silence.
Pays due to violence.
Apprehension and instigation of endless extortion.
Emotions drained.
Tears pumped.
Energy sucked.
Pointless arguments.
Bottomless pit.
We’re going in circle.
Nobody wins/ nobody gains.
We’re all in doom.
Each and everyday closer to our tomb.
Empty. Static.

SAME OLD, SAME OLD

People yell.
People lie.
People kill.

You never think you find out,
Your life is one petty existence,
All those extra miles you took,
All those extra effort you put,
Boils down to nothing,
You don’t reap what you sow,
Somebody else did,
Somebody else with bigger, better lies,
Sweet face to kiss that sweet ass,
Stretching pretence, validating consensus,
Masking corruption, suppressing suspicion,
Nobody is right in your valley of wrong,
Somehow, you rage means to defy,
When your duty is to obey,
You will be the odd one out,
When you say you don’t know,
That means you truly know,
Just so afraid to reveal your intelligence,
People might think you are different,
Because of your indifference,
They are so self-righteous,
You are so self-loathing,
They say you are disconnected,
It just so happens that you truly are,
They think you are so free,
While in fact your life is a cage,
You try to break free every day,
They say you weren’t grateful,
What to do with your petty existence,
You don’t know,
You need Peter Parker and Clark Kent combined,
To fix your broken spirit,
Let’s tear each others' pages in the book,
Let’s walk out of the closed door,
Let’s break out and be stupid enough,
You and I share the same feelings,
You and I die the same way.

THE THREE BLIND, MUTE, DEAF MONKEYS

Everytime you pick on somebody,
Her self-esteem wavers,
When you make fun of her cleft palate,
Or her dark skin,
Or her stuttering speech,
She slowly dies inside.

Everytime you pick on somebody,
His pride vanishes,
When you taunt him about his disability,
Or his limp walk,
Or his awkward stance,
He slowly rages inside.

One day,
She swallows 45 pills of paracetamol,
Nobody knows why she did it,
Her parents keep asking “Why?”,
They don’t care, no remorse, no guilt.

One day,
He gets hold of a gun,
Nobody expects him to fire all those bullets,
His teachers keep asking “Why?”,
They don’t notice, no intervention, no supervision.

He/she suffers in silence,
Their mouth shut tight for fear of ridicule,
Nobody knows they could do such a thing,
Especially when they smile in every family portrait,
Because even if they did,
Nobody listened, nobody saw, nobody spoke.

POLITICAL PUNK ROCK BULLSHIT.

Damnation. Destruction. Demolition. Annihilation.
Brainwashing. Ethnic-cleansing. Centralizing.
Power struggle. Political angle.
Money-making. Oil-taking.
Murder. Butcher. Killer.
Mass suicide.
Weapon of mass destruction.
Sensationalism.
Media domination.
Public humiliation.
War instigation.
Fornication.
Slander. Blunder.
The reality is,
Nobody gives a fuck.

WHAT I WANT (II)

What I want IN you:

1.LOYALTY: To me and only me.
P/s: If I’m dead, you can find somebody else. I want you to be happy. I promise I won’t come back as a ghost to haunt you.

2.HONESTY: I’ll tell you everything if you want to know and I hope you can accept me, with or without all those secrets. Tell me yours too, no matter how humiliating.

3.ACCEPTANCE: All my life, I’m never thin, feminine, talkative, friendly and pretty enough. Hope you can live with all the opposite of an ideal woman.

4.CLEAR-HEADED: I’m impulsive and emotional. I need you to calm me down when I’m in one of those moods.

5.RESPONSIBILITY: If we ever had babies, and I’m in one of those moods, one of us would have to look after Ali Imran and Maryam.

6.NON-JUDGEMENTAL: If I decided to pierce another on my lobe, or add another colour, I need you to say “Hey, you look great, honey!”. But if I want too far, do stop me.

7.EQUALITY: I’m not a feminist. But I need you to understand how to treat a lady; never swear at me, never beat me, never belittle me, and never underestimate what I can do.

8.DEVOTION: I need this. Period. Because I will be head over heels for you. I won’t care what others say or think about you. But if you have somebody else, I demand you to tell me as I don’t want to be blinded by fake love and lovely lies, again.

9.ATTENTION: When we’re together, if u do stupid shits despite constant reminders, such as talking to somebody on your hp and ignoring me completely or reading newspaper while in fact you can do that at home when I’m not around or smoke when I couldn’t stand the smell; I would not reply your messages or answer your calls for at least 3 days no matter how much I miss you until you got it in your thick head the things that I hate and you promise not to do them again in the future.

10.LOVE: After you can do all the 9 things above, then you are permitted to love me, in which I will return your feelings and kindness with endless sacrifice and ultimate affection. When you are sick, I shall make chicken soup for you. When you are sad, I shall stay with you and cry with you and hug you until you push me away from you. When nobody believes you, I shall be your biggest fan, and support you and cheer you up and make you stand up on your own two feet and become your awesome self once again.

Believe me, when the whole world think you suck, I cherish you because that’s what I want you to do to me too.

WHAT I WANT (I)

What I want FROM you:

1.To say I look beautiful even though I just vomited today’s breakfast.

2.To say I look okay even though I look like shit because f the stomach cramps I’m having.

3.To say it’s okay to swallow Ibuprofen whenever I couldn’t take it anymore.

4.Tell me the lipstick, the eyeshadow, as well as the eyeliner accentuate my already prominent face.

5.Assure me it’s okay to laugh out loud at a dirty joke.

6.Sleep with me all day when I complain I don’t want to wake up, ever.

7.To think it’s okay if I mix 5 different flavours in a Big Gulp.

8.Understand my musical selection and not think I’m a devil worshipper if I listen to Manson.

9.Ok with me not wearing blouse and skirt, instead not ashamed to walk with me, when I’m wearing jeans and my favourite t-shirt.

10.Think that multi-coloured hair and multiple piercing look hot.

11.Change your phone number to Celcom if I’m using Celcom and put my number in your speed dial.

12.Keep all those soppy messages that I sent to you in my lapse of sanity moments.

13.Think that Mr Teddy is cute and not afraid to show him.

14.My/our picture as your hp’s wallpaper or laptop’s desktop.

15.Save my name in your hp as ‘syg’, ‘baby’, ‘babe’, ‘honeybunch’; whatever you want to call me- provided it is a nice name only.

16.To DEFEND me when anybody (including your family members) talk shit about me.

If you were gay, I wish I was a man, so that you would love me.

MERRY WISHES

What I want for the Raya hols:

1.Honda City. Or Persona Elegance in Bronze Garnet. Or else, a gray MyVi Ezi would be just fine.

2.A mighty superb stereo system for my car, to accompany me during my 45 minutes drive to my workplace.

3.A full bank account. Would get my mom a new microwave and a three piece suit. My lil’ bro wants to shop at Topman and Padini; RM 500 enough, bro? And my dad would probably like a new shirt (he got ton of new shirts he never wore).

4.New body. I’m thinking liposuction. What do you guys think of a skinny ass, gentlemen?

5.Tons of new paperbacks. And wrapping paper too.

6.Dictionaries for my 1 G’s students- so they would know what ‘FIRE’ means.

7.7 course Chinese dinner for my whole family.

8.My POGP done. And endorsed by my employer.

9.My hair to be longer. Sorry hair. I cut you off everytime my dumb ass ex did something unimaginably and irreversibly stupid.

10.Complete lesson plans and activities as well as work sheets to help my students who did not even know what ‘son’ means.

11.To bring my 1 G’s students to a horse farm, so that they could really know how Black Beauty looks like.

12.To make them, my precious realize that there are more to life than Honda Wave, Arai helmets and eyeliner ------> God, help me with this T_T

13.Travel to Penang to see baby with my new car, with my mom and my dad as passengers …hehehhe

14.Somebody true, who I can have an intelligent conversation with.

15.Paid for mani-pedi-thai massage-facial combo.

16.Remember all my students’ names- where’s that photographic memory when I need it?

17.A whole new set of scarf to match with my when-am-I-going-to-get-new-kurungs. Mind you the scarves should be with diamonds and stuff.

18.Not to lose my knack for writing- critical appreciation and position papers, blogs and whatnot.

19.I’d like to try SK-II. Should I sacrifice half my salary for it? Pitera or bankruptcy for a month?

20.A good ol’ dose of ZzZzZzZz’s and DVD’s and bloghopping and beloved bubu.