IF I HAD A DIME...

So I haven’t been blogging in quite some time. Work was just so overwhelming. A word of kind reminder, if your school ever got selected to any kind of state/national level competition, be prepared to endure complete craziness for as long as the waiting moment before the competition is finally over.

In this post, I don’t want to talk about colleagues and how they evade workload but manage to show up at the right time and at the right place, usually when the principal or other bosses are around.

I want to talk about how hard it is to find love these days. A lot of people (mostly nosy bastards) who always have a favourite question as they see me putting more and more candles on my birthday cake, “Bila nak kahwin?”

If getting married was like choosing shoes on Zalora.com, it’ll be as simple as clicking a checklist of your dream man and out popped your search results. But in reality, things are not as always as rosy like the fairy tale we grow so accustomed to believing during our naive and gullible years as children.

If I had a dime for everytime the question popped up, I’ll be a millionaire by now. As lonely and dejected as I am, there are still people questioning shit about me and interested to know every wound and every scar that prevent me from getting married.

And God knows how depressing it is to open Facebook as see notifications after notifications of coursemates and juniors as well as schoolmates who invited me to their wedding. Or what about all those cute baby photos of couples who are blessed to take care another living and breathing human beings. Yes, I admit it cuts deep. Deeper when my mom went to weddings and came back home and showed me ‘bunga telur’ and asked me what colour would be the theme of my wedding. Deepest when my mom keep stopping at shopping malls looking at baby strollers or baby apparels, saying that if I had children, this (baby things or clothings) would look so good on those little souls.

If it were up to me, I wouldn’t mind not being married at all. Who would want to bring a child into this cruel little world? But again, that’s a defeatist talking. A normal human being would gush at the prospect of a wedding. Married to someone whom they are confident to live and die with. When they imagine rosy little feet and cooing crying little babies as their life is completed at last.

Me? I still think I don’t deserve someone or even little someone as I myself, is someone who are not quite right.