NOT A SECRET ANYMORE

Most men would always complain that it is difficult to understand women. The same men would most probably be those men who love to troll people online and leave comments insinuating that all women are complex creatures. And all women are materialistic.

Men, brace yourself. Because I am going to tell you the secret of understanding women.

Women are simple creatures, actually. Well, most women. And I am writing from my POV as a career women. I can buy my own stuff. And I don’t need a man. But I choose to want one specific man because he does these things to me. And I think it is worth writing about him because we have come a long way to get to where we are right now.

Ok, women need confirmation. That you really do love her. If you say shit like “I don’t know, maybe someday we’ll be together” or “We’ll see how things go from here”. Look, if you are not sure about her, leave her. In a ballsy way. Not ghosting her, i.e blocking her on whatsapp or unfriending her on Facebook or leaving her without any news, making her look for you and contacting you to see if you are indeed still alive. Women would respect you even more if you tell them the real situation. Not stringing her along and baiting her with the bare minimum to keep her waiting for your sorry, indecisive ass. So, if you want her, tell her. If you don’t want her, tell her. Either way, be a man with balls and do what’s good for the both of you.

With my man, I knew he was the one within the first 3 weeks. Don’t tell me how I know, I just do. I can’t provide you with a checklist to see if you have found the one. At that point of time, we haven’t even met each other yet. It was in the month of Ramadhan and both of us think that it was inappropriate to go on a date during the fasting month. So we both waited, until the third day of Eid Mubarak, to see each other in person. I fell for his intellect. The way we connected on a spiritual and emotional level. The creepy coincidences when I would be thinking of something and he would say the same thing. We have that connection. And I don’t really care for looks or money. Looks fade. And money won’t last forever. But intelligent conversation on topics others don’t even think to talk about? That’s priceless.

Which brings me to the next point. Before you fall in love, ask yourself, why? Why do I want to be in a relationship? I’ve read a quote somewhere that loving without knowing how to love will hurt the person whom you think you love. Corny af, right? But it’s corny because it is true. You need to know the reason why you’re jumping into this partnership. And you need to know what you want from the other person. What you want might not be the same like what other people want. Some men want a woman who’s pretty, slim, smart. And it is not wrong. And some women want a man who’s handsome, rich, drives a Honda. And again, it’s not wrong. We are humans, we have wants and needs. So, if someone you meet does not want to be with you, respect their decision. Maybe both of you want different things. You might want to settle down, your partner might want to fool around for a couple more years before returning his man card. Whatever it is, with the right man, you do not have to try that hard. You do not have to pretend. You just have to be yourself. And he would still love you. And with the wrong man, you could be a noble prize winner, who happens to be Miss Universe, but still, you are not the apple of his eyes. Simply because, you are not right for each other.

So men, decide what you want in a woman and act accordingly. Until you finally figure that out, do not give any promises to any woman. Do not send texts that would make her dream and hope only to have those dreams and hopes crushed later just because you, men, cannot figure out what you want.

Women hate to be made into an option. Choose one woman that you want and show her how glad you are to have her in your life. Acting like an asshole won’t help your cause.

Simple things like saying good morning or asking her about her day or what she had for breakfast/lunch/dinner/supper/cheat day would suffice. I know you, men, could not care less about what we, women, eat, but do that still, just because it costs nothing and it is a nice thing to do.

And when your girl has something to tell you (complains about her work, or her colleagues or her boss), don’t be a dick and ignore her. Women are emotional creatures. They need to let their emotions out and not keep it all inside. So, listen, nod a few times, insert some interjections here and there. It would be good if you could pretend to be madder than her when she’s already mad about the issue being discussed, that will show how much you are invested in her and her life.

And similarly, if you have problems, don’t keep it all inside too. Tell her. Talk to her. Women love a man who can communicate and articulate his feelings. I know it is hard to do sometimes, to put your thoughts into words and tell her how you really feel, but trust me, being vulnerable and showing her that you’re human will make her appreciate you even more. If you cannot tell everything to the person you love, who else can you tell it to?

My man and I talk about everything. We did not before. And it brought us to a difficult place. So, since then, we tell each other everything. If you are in a relationship where you have to watch what you say and you have to walk on eggshells, leave now. It is not worth it. It would hurt even more in the future.

And men, surprise her every now and then. It could be something small. Like showing up at her house, bringing her a slice of her favourite cake or buying her a small teddy bear, or simply writing (copy and paste would work too) a short poem. Women dig that shit, period. Simple, but meaningful gestures to show that you are always on her mind.

So, to recap:

1.       Women need validation.

2.       Don’t treat her like an option.

3.       Good morning/night and asking her about her day won’t hurt.

4.       COMMUNICATE.

5.       Surprise her, every now and then.

I save the bet for last. I agree that some women live in the 50s, thinking that all men should work more for the relationship. For instance, men should make the first move, men should call first, men should pay for everything.

Get out of your time machine. It’s 2019.

You want to be treated like a queen? Treat him like a king.

Simple. 50-50. Give and take.