IF ONLY

We always talk about if only.
“If only I have more money, I would have bought that LV handbag.”

“If only I was thinner, my boyfriend would not have left me.”

“If only I was more sociable, I would have a lot of friends.”

We dream sometimes of being somebody else. A person that we despise but secretly want to be. Because she/he is so rich, has awesome partner, even more awesome ride, rich, good job by doing nothing, and have cool parents with lotsa and lotsa of money to spend on their child.

Yeah, ain’t life grand?

How does it feel like to be able to spend money aimlessly? And be treasured and missed? To be able to dump people heartlessly and say “you are not worthy of me”?

Yes, it is goo dot have it all. And it sucks to be the person laying by the way side, watching everything goes by and everyone moves on but you are stuck with nothing to hold on to and a bunch of grunts to keep you company.

And you kick yourself, knowing things would be different if you had not done some of the stupid things you did, mingled with the wrong person, and made the dumb decision.

As I was writing this, I smell a whiff of smoke. I hate smoke.

I wished I had not poisoned my body with carbs and sugar and emotional abuse.

I wished I had not fallen in love just because you asked me too.

I wished I had not churned out my money that easily for scumbags who couldn’t think what is good for him.

I wished I was better to those who really care for me.

Regrets- ain’t nothing but past mistakes.

If only I knew better than to put down myself like that.