NOSEBLEED

I had a nosebleed today.

Blame it on working 12 hours straight, discussing PMR papers and judging how many marks should be allocated for each script like Paula, Simon and Randy (that’s the last American Idol season that I watched so I have no inkling as to who are the new judges now, plus I don’t have Astro at home).

 When I told my mom who was intently watching this Malay bullshit drama on Tv3, she said “Panas kepala la tu.” And continue watching the stupid ass actors and actresses in this unbelievable and plastic storyline of a drama. Mom, I never had a nosebleed before! This shit it serious!

Before I got back home, I made a detour to my course mate’s house. She got the note from last class which I escaped and got home early because the lecturer was as interesting as watching a rock. It’s better I taught English to some hormonal i-don’t-give-a-shit-about-my-future kids who sat for SPM, starting today. English 111/9 paper is tomorrow. I prayed to God they would remember to replace the pronoun properly for the reading comprehension as well as the essay writing. Just don’t let them fail and ruin their chances of getting out of where they are now and venture into the outside world.

When I got to my course mate’s house, she told me that us, young teachers have to go to a school on Thursday for some sort of gathering. Failure to do so will result in getting disciplinary act. Since when teaching and learning involve supporting political parties and action can be taken to reprimand those who fail to show up because they got million other things to do at school on the last day. For instance, closing the class register, checking the stock for next year supply of Nilam record books, completing the teaching record book, getting signature to certify tasks completed, passing up important forms and million other things to do like what I said earlier. Seriously, if they want to get the support of us, young people who made up the majority of the votes, they should not hace forced us to go and pretend like we enjoy being there. Because the truth is, we don’t. Not one bit. How can my showing up there, imply that I’m loyal to the country and patriotic enough to leave my designated day job to waste time just to satisfy the statistics needed to make it look like that particular party has so many support in the state they are dying to take over again?

Don’t get me wrong. I still don’t like the ruling party now. There’s nothing being done after more than 20 years they are in office (and it’s likely that they will rule for the next 5 years if coercion remains the modus operandi of the other party to gain support). If my parents weren’t permanently staying here, I would have moved somewhere else. Moreover, I was schooled in a public institution, was a government scholar and now a government servant. It’ll be pretty dang stupid and ignorant if support none other than our Malaysian government. In addition, in my humble opinion,  other people who took the RM500 and RM100 for every kid they got in school, plus KWAPM and Ekasih and all sorts of other financial help are indeed morons who are ungrateful enough to bite the hands that feed them by supporting another party that brings nothing to the state they are governing.

Sorry for my foul language but indeed, some people need a giant hammer to knock on their heads to wake them up.

Nevertheless, any event this big should take into account the majority and their troubles to be present. We’re not complaining but as least have some compassion and show some understanding to our predicament. It’s not that we don’t care, but patriotism and being grateful can be shown in a lot other ways. In fact, at times, for people who don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves, these notions of loyalty and gratefulness are shown only through their hard work and never ending sacrifices. For instance, giving after class tuition and night class, coming to school on holidays for both administrative and academic-related tasks, sacrificing leisure time to mark PMR and SPM papers, spending your own time and money to go for courses, dirtying your car to send students to and fro for things that sometimes are not even your responsibility but just because you live near the place the students were supposed to go to, people ask you to help them send these kids who don’t even thank you for carrying their bitch-asses there and spending time, even longer than necessary to do unnecessary stuff that would not benefit you professionally nor intellectually. It’s hard when you work with people because people can physically and emotionally hurt you, can answer back to you, can be pains in the ass for you and they can look you in the eye and pretend to be nice while in fact they are botching about you behind your back and lie to your face about it.

I hate my life. I hate my face. I hate my body. I hate seeing myself in the mirror. I hate being born.