It is a normal thing to be stood up and have your hopes taken away from you.

Just when you feel you might be in for something special, that feeling is ripped away from you.

You feel you are ‘it’, but you ended up being number two.

Even shittier, when someone so plastic purposely reminding you of what a sore loser you really are.

Nothing you ever worked on comes full circle because you are so full of shit.

People look you and they are reminded of what a fucking jerk you are.

Because you are a freak of nature that rarely bumps into their perfectly engineered life.

I am so sorry, I am not perfect.

But that does not give you the liberty to trample me and hurt my feelings as you please.

Maybe I am not desirable, but that does not give you the right to treat me like an object.

I know, I am indispensable.

But that does not give you the right to change your mind every 5 seconds about me.

What you said tonight won’t mean a thing tomorrow?

The feelings you have now won’t be the same in the future?

Thanks a lot for hurting me.

Thanks a lot for laughing thinking you got the better hand.

Maybe you did.

Maybe you did not.

Who cares?

Do you have a boyfriend?
My friend asked me. No I don’t. As a matter of fact, I am thankful for that. My ex sent me a message saying he has married somebody else. I don’t know his purpose for doing that. And I don’t want to know.

I have been ignoring him for the almost half a year. Ever since I knew he had somebody else. Hence, the secrets, his art of lying, his intention of doing me wrong. His code for his handphone. So that, I would never be able to know all other shenanigans he has been doing.

So, you got married? Think I care. It’s funny you still have to send messages to me to make you sleep at night. I know some people said I don’t care but your behavior, snap that, your stupidity is really transparent when you acted like a kid who has to hurt others to make you happy about yourself.

Why you have to be such a bitch and keep messing with other people’s lives? Why can’t you just leave me alone and let get on with my life the way I want it to be? Why do you have to be such a pain in the ass? Don’t you have enough of cheating, lying, manipulating, assholing, and being a pig?

Tonight, you die in my memory, my heart, and my life. You both can go to hell. I don’t give a shit about you. I will never give a shit about you. Don’t you dare try to interfere in my life. Kau dengan cara kau, aku dengan cara aku. Itu yang kau ucapkan pada aku dulu kan? Kau yang dulu suruh aku pergi mampos kan? Well, now you got your wish motherfucker.

HARI KEJAHANAMAN BABY AKU...

NOTA AKHIR BUAT KAU SI GAMPANG

Kalau setiap memori membuat aku menangis,
Setiap kata membuat aku sebak,
Setiap sentuhan buat aku kelu,
Apa guna kau pada aku?

Kau berikrar ambil kisah pasal aku
sedangkan janji kau pada Tuhan kau nak belakangkan?

Apa guna lafaz yang kau buat kalau dalam hati kau meronta berbelah bagi
menyimpang siur dari niat kau?

Aku tetap begini.
Diperbodohkan harapan palsu, minta aku menunggu hari kau boleh kecewakan aku lagi.

Kau senyum,
Pengikut kau bertepuk tangan, berdekah-dekah ketawa,
Tanda kau anak jantan yang paling awal menawan perawan idaman.

Jantankah kau kalau kau dayus mengharap hasil rusuk kiri member pada kau?
Perawankah idaman itu yang kau agung-agungkan?

2, 3 kau sambar buat bekalan di hari kecelakaan.

Aku merasai hari kecelakaan aku hari ini.
Pedih, berjuraian segala tapi ia buat aku seteguh berlian, sekuat besi.

if it weren't for my religion and my cowardice, i would have killed myself a long time ago.

CUKUP LAH

Cukup lah menunggu.

Kali ni aku nak pergi jauh dari mu.

Jauh dari ketidakadilan mu terhadap ku.

Jangan kau memanggil-manggil ku pulang semula kerana ku takkan berpaling pada mu lagi.

Sudah cukup kau menganaktirikan aku.

Sudah cukup kau tendang aku ke sana ke mari seperti bola yang sudah tiada angin.

Sudah tidak aman aku rasakan duduk di sini menanti penyeksaan mu yang tiada sudah.

Aku tak daya lagi.

Aku tak kuasa lagi.

Menunggu mu sampai esok malam dan malam lusa dan malam-malam seterusnya.

Aku juga punya malam-malam sendiri untuk bersama diriku.

Tanpa kau di sisiku.

Aku mengerti.

Aku undurkan diri.

Aku akan tiada di sisi mu seperti selalu.

Kau takkan rindukan aku.

Kerana kau tak pernah menyintai aku.

OVER ME

I was crying alone at night.
Tears streaming down my face. I don’t know why.
Pigments of our memory were now tainted with the interruption of her.
Her solid being.
Her whims and fancy.
Her wants and needs.
I don’t know what you were thinking, choosing her over me.
I know I don’t deserve this.
I don’t deserve this kind of rejection.
I deserve to get all the things that she has.
I deserve to be loved and to love in return.
I deserved to be happy.
I deserved to smile.
I deserved to be wanted.
All I want was just to feel again.
To know what it feels like to have someone care for me.
Acknowledge my existence.
Know that I am alive and well.
That is all I ever wanted from you.