Sunday, November 30, 2014

Majlis Konvokesyen Universiti Malaysia Terengganu Ke-12_301114

Today, my brother Mohamad Ameer Bukhqari Mohamad Nor completed another phase in his 22 year life. He graduated!

Can't say how proud my parents and I feel towards the youngest member in our family.  All of us love you and wish the best for you in your future undertakings!

Sunday, October 26, 2014


Some people should be left alone to rot in hell. Especially those surrounded by idiotic friends acting like confidants but truly are Judas hiding behind nice words and dake smiles.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Penang Trip_12-140914



You're worth it. Don't let others say otherwise.


I put too much hope and trust in people that one day I woke up and my back is filled with knives.

Backstabbers. Sweet talkers. Double-faced bitches.


So don't assume and think you know what I am all about. And think your life is the same as me.


So you don't awkwardly pretend to ask me on my well-being or suddenly be interested with my life.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

How I Feel

Every time I feel almost happy and starting to think positive for once, there's always someone or something who or which proves me otherwise.

Monday, September 8, 2014


I think I have another post with the same title. I think. I am not sure though.

So it has been quite some time since I last posted something in here. Last week, I was on leave (MC) for 2 days due to fever and tonsillitis (which I am feeling again right now). It also was the season of examination, specifically Trial SPM.

Usually, at my school, if you cannot come to school, you'll have to call or SMS the principal and the teacher in charge of relief (replacement timetable). So I did just that, only to find out later another teacher who happened to be an ustaz babbled about my absence in the exam hall.

This self-righteous ustaz maybe thought that just because I didn't go to the staff room, he could use up all his pent up anger towards me and said every cruel things that crossed his mind, probably comforted by the fact that nobody in the staff room would relay the messages to me.

Among the insults were "Ado Master sio, tapi x reti nok kecek ngn ore." If you're Kelantanese, congratulations! But if you're not, let me translate. He said the possession of a double degree is lost on me because I'm an anti-social who doesn't speak to people and live like a hermit crab.

What it really was IMHO, he felt inadequate for his lack of second degree and to express his jealousy, he hated the fact that someone younger and subordinate to him has the capability to obtain a second degree but he cannot.

Another occasion was in a meeting, another teacher with a MA was asked non-related questions on GST and she struggled a bit when answering the question because she was caught off guard. Soon, a little voice said "Ore ado Master tu tp xleh jawab." I didn't get a good look at the exact person who uttered such stupid statement but it got me thinking and only confirmed my suspicion that these people have such nonchalant attitude towards furthering their studies but scorned others who did so!

To me, God is fair and if you're not married or if you're married with no kids yet, He will probably give you the ability to further your studies. And as for me, God granted my wish to further my study but He does not give me a partner yet. Hey, God is fair. You get some and you lose some. Whatever it is, God has the grand plan that exceeds all your expectation that your heart would swell with pride at how much He loves you.

So, when I am faced with imbeciles like these in my school, I just ignore them because they are not worth my time, and I allow only one post about them here to share how some people who are apparently older and have more experience than me but still kids inside and still feel insecure of their own capabilities than they have to resort to downgrading others. I pity their children, having such foul role models to look up to.

So that's that. I also have another instance of people bugging over my business. This male teacher who has been eying me since the first day I started my service in this school has been crazier than ever. He messaged me before saying how he wanted to ask me out for a drink. I ignored him and then during Eid, he sent another SMS saying he wanted to come to my house. I replied saying don't forget to bring along his wife and children. Then, another new teacher came so his attention was shifted to the new teacher who is a lot friendlier than me. Then, the new teacher got married so again he was at lost at who to bug. Soon, a new teacher came in who has just lost her husband so he tried his luck again but again, no go. So he put his focus on me again. Sending messages through WhatsApp and calling me at 1.20 a.m. three times, disrupting my much needed sleep because I have to get up early to drive an hour to school. I don't know what his deal is but even if we were the last two people alive, humans would lose their chance of surviving the species.

So, those are the weird people found at my workplace. There are also friends but who passed a look between them when they thought I was not looking. But who am I to complain? Ever since my schooling days, I was always the last person to be picked when there were nobody around to be companions with. That is why I don't put much hope on relationships, because the last time I did, I was ostracized  and the son of a bitch whom I thought I was in love with used me up and threw me away like a rag doll. I think about suicide every single day. I just did not have the guts to go through with it. So if I were everybody else, I wouldn't waste my time befriending such a fuck up like me. Or would I?

Wednesday, June 18, 2014


So, a trend has developed with me and this blog. I have another blog, where I have to pretend I am a meek little worker posting pictures and commenting about every single programme happening in school.

If this blog is my boyfriend, dah lama dia angkat kaki. Being ignored for months on end and not being given any initiative to live.

The reason I am writing is I am bored. Waiting for a new boss to my school. Nothing to do and I have no class at the moment prompt me to drop another posting in this blog.

What I want to write is about using force in school. I use it sometimes with my students. Even to the level of threatening students to write essays or I call their mom or dad. It is fun when you are doing it to your 'helpless' (yep, so 'helpless' that even if a teacher put a finger on them, their parents would be running to the newspaper in the blink of an eye) students.

However, when you are at the receiving end of the threats, things are not so goddamn rosy it seems. For example, when you are being threatened to pay for a dinner you have no intention of attending because tomorrow is a school day (although it is Saturday, which by the way if you're in Kelantan, IS A HOLIDAY! Who was the genius who started the idea to replace the school on Saturday. Like what my mom says, tak bodoh kalau budak-budak tak belajar sehari dan tak bijak pun budak-budak dalam masa sehari). But you still have to pay because it is COMPULSORY.

Damn, are we still in preschool? Where everything is dictated by someone older than you?

You might say, why didn't I say something about it since I am so vehemently opposing to the idea, Ms Smarty Pants? I once said something, voicing my opinion but soon after, I was humiliated in a public meeting and people would not look at me in the eyes, so my attitude nowadays is What the Fuck Do I Care. The school could collapse and I will be sitting by eating ice-cream under a shady tree while wearing my Sunday best outfit, clapping every one now and then and the pieces of buildings falling down one by one.

Apparently, nobody has any balls to oppose to these stupid rules so everybody has to go. Sucks, isn't it? But what to do. We live everyday to impress others and deluding them into believing that we are are noble beings. NOT!

Sunday, May 18, 2014


So I have not been writing for quite some time in this blog. Usually, before this, my blog posts coincide with how shitty I am feeling. I guess I have not felt shitty for a while, or things could not have been any shittier but I managed to dodge that feeling of helplessness and hopelessness by numbing myself by reading ebooks in the dark before going to sleep and watching movie after getting home from work.

Shit at work has not been rosy lately and I could not say that it has ever been that way. Maybe I am the young, unexperienced new teacher who knows not of the office politics. By office politics, I mean ass-kissing and assoholic behavior.

Those who are experienced ass-kisser escape work just by complementing the boss on her outfit for the day. At 9 a.m., they go out of school to have breakfast at the selection of ‘kedai nasi belauk’ around the school. Then, again, at 1 p.m., they go home to do laundry or to breastfeed their babies or to pick up their kids.

When non ass-kissers do the same, they will be given ‘surat tunjuk sebab’ and humiliated in meetings.

Sure, the world is unfair and I should just zip it and stop whining like a little bitch. But when injustice is staring me straight in the face, I feel the need to speak up instead of taking it like it is. And where has it gotten me? Humiliated beyond imagination in meetings. They are sneaky people. They would not say your name and make the insult specific. So if you accused them of publicly humiliating you, they can defend their sorry self by saying, “Eh tak sebut nama siapa-siapa pun tadi.” That’s how low they stoop.

And also these people have just known the wonderful world of free chatting. So with the new favourite app, they have gone completely ape shit with the new technology. So far as to create an ‘offical’ group for the school. Again, this app has been misused to display pictures of teachers, uhmm, ass-kissers, pretending to do their job and taking loads of pictures to prove that they are doing their job. And the higher power believe them and started firing all sorts of encouraging symbols to show their support.

Other people who work their ass off but could not be bothered to post pictures fell by the way side. And the higher power assume these lazy son of bitches are not doing their work just because they are not glued to their phone, ordering stuff online on Facebook and Whatsapping, posting every pictures at every photo ops. Strange and unbelievable but you best believe it, because it is 100% the truth and nothing but the truth.

You might say that I am anti-social and have not learned the ways of how to survive in an office. But if this what my earning and source of finance comes from, I feel nauseous to go on like this. When the bad gets what they need and the good is only needed to finish the half-assed job of the bad. When the bad can get away with anything but for the good, millions of tasks completed before are overlooked for just one small itsy bitsy mistake. And if you belong to the bad, curse you.

Sunday, April 20, 2014


So, I had to come for a course in Nilai, Negeri Sembilan. It was in the middle of nowhere and we had to google it before being able to find it. When I finally got to the hostel (imagine that, I haven’t said that word for the last 4 years) and suddenly I was faced with the possibility of boredom looming over me for the next 3 days.

Sad to say, having to stay in a hostel brought back memories that I was trying so hard to forget. Let me say I spent the last 4 years erasing these memories little by little so that I wouldn’t have nightmares about them. Yes, I had nightmares about those times at the hostel. Like when I had to walk from my block to the class. Well, this time around, we don’t have to walk for a long period of time, a bus is provided, speaking of which, I haven’t been in a bus for quite some time. Again, it brought back memories where I had to fight for my life for a bus ticket when I was studying in Johor Bahru to get back home in Kota Bharu. It was a nightmare (again, that devilish word) having this blackness at the pit of your stomach waiting for the tickets to be sold and then when it was finally sold, I went to the bus station only to find the tickets were all sold out. Yeah, I hate riding on a bus.

As for the hostel, I felt like a student all over again. And without my trusted Saga, I felt incomplete. At times of deprivation like this, I started to be thankful and grateful of what I have. But I guess, it is human nature to miss something only when you don’t have it anymore. So that’s that,

Add horrible food to that, I am so going to have a feast when I am back home. All this walking and not having a bathroom in the room and having to be modest all the time (I could go au natural but I am afraid others would not enjoy it so much) and not being able to be in control (hashtag waiting for bus, hashtag breakfast is not ready yet, hashtag bathroom stalls are full) suck.

However, after whining to myself and stop being a bitch that I really am, I started to think of how selfish I can be when I had it all but some kids at other parts of the world had nothing. So that shut me up for a while until there’s something that ticks me off and I might have to whine about it again.