Sunday, September 21, 2014

Penang Trip_12-140914



You're worth it. Don't let others say otherwise.


I put too much hope and trust in people that one day I woke up and my back is filled with knives.

Backstabbers. Sweet talkers. Double-faced bitches.


So don't assume and think you know what I am all about. And think your life is the same as me.


So you don't awkwardly pretend to ask me on my well-being or suddenly be interested with my life.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

How I Feel

Every time I feel almost happy and starting to think positive for once, there's always someone or something who or which proves me otherwise.

Monday, September 8, 2014


I think I have another post with the same title. I think. I am not sure though.

So it has been quite some time since I last posted something in here. Last week, I was on leave (MC) for 2 days due to fever and tonsillitis (which I am feeling again right now). It also was the season of examination, specifically Trial SPM.

Usually, at my school, if you cannot come to school, you'll have to call or SMS the principal and the teacher in charge of relief (replacement timetable). So I did just that, only to find out later another teacher who happened to be an ustaz babbled about my absence in the exam hall.

This self-righteous ustaz maybe thought that just because I didn't go to the staff room, he could use up all his pent up anger towards me and said every cruel things that crossed his mind, probably comforted by the fact that nobody in the staff room would relay the messages to me.

Among the insults were "Ado Master sio, tapi x reti nok kecek ngn ore." If you're Kelantanese, congratulations! But if you're not, let me translate. He said the possession of a double degree is lost on me because I'm an anti-social who doesn't speak to people and live like a hermit crab.

What it really was IMHO, he felt inadequate for his lack of second degree and to express his jealousy, he hated the fact that someone younger and subordinate to him has the capability to obtain a second degree but he cannot.

Another occasion was in a meeting, another teacher with a MA was asked non-related questions on GST and she struggled a bit when answering the question because she was caught off guard. Soon, a little voice said "Ore ado Master tu tp xleh jawab." I didn't get a good look at the exact person who uttered such stupid statement but it got me thinking and only confirmed my suspicion that these people have such nonchalant attitude towards furthering their studies but scorned others who did so!

To me, God is fair and if you're not married or if you're married with no kids yet, He will probably give you the ability to further your studies. And as for me, God granted my wish to further my study but He does not give me a partner yet. Hey, God is fair. You get some and you lose some. Whatever it is, God has the grand plan that exceeds all your expectation that your heart would swell with pride at how much He loves you.

So, when I am faced with imbeciles like these in my school, I just ignore them because they are not worth my time, and I allow only one post about them here to share how some people who are apparently older and have more experience than me but still kids inside and still feel insecure of their own capabilities than they have to resort to downgrading others. I pity their children, having such foul role models to look up to.

So that's that. I also have another instance of people bugging over my business. This male teacher who has been eying me since the first day I started my service in this school has been crazier than ever. He messaged me before saying how he wanted to ask me out for a drink. I ignored him and then during Eid, he sent another SMS saying he wanted to come to my house. I replied saying don't forget to bring along his wife and children. Then, another new teacher came so his attention was shifted to the new teacher who is a lot friendlier than me. Then, the new teacher got married so again he was at lost at who to bug. Soon, a new teacher came in who has just lost her husband so he tried his luck again but again, no go. So he put his focus on me again. Sending messages through WhatsApp and calling me at 1.20 a.m. three times, disrupting my much needed sleep because I have to get up early to drive an hour to school. I don't know what his deal is but even if we were the last two people alive, humans would lose their chance of surviving the species.

So, those are the weird people found at my workplace. There are also friends but who passed a look between them when they thought I was not looking. But who am I to complain? Ever since my schooling days, I was always the last person to be picked when there were nobody around to be companions with. That is why I don't put much hope on relationships, because the last time I did, I was ostracized  and the son of a bitch whom I thought I was in love with used me up and threw me away like a rag doll. I think about suicide every single day. I just did not have the guts to go through with it. So if I were everybody else, I wouldn't waste my time befriending such a fuck up like me. Or would I?