Tuesday, June 29, 2010

"I need somewhere to hang my head without your noose".

Monday, June 28, 2010

heartbreaks are good.
it makes you indestructible....emotionally.
and it also makes you less wimpy.
come what may, suck it up and stride along like nothing's happen.

Saturday, June 26, 2010


Revlon eyeshadow and lipstick...

Maybelline waterproof mascara...

Thursday, June 24, 2010

if u r not over ur ex, dont come looking for me to be ur buddy.
because frenkly speaking, i am sick and tired for people who are too dumb too realize when someone is too good for them to let go.
when u r over ur stupidity, then come and get some.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

you. yes you.
hope i never see even your face again.
cease to exist, please.
because i want my time. now.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010


Yup, that big ass printer is going back home..byk berjasa wei, semua handouts utk students aku print guna menatang ni. Takleh print black, so the handouts for 1 Diamond and 2 Crystal ended up being all colourful..hope you guys enjoy my ink..heheh

Kt atas printer tu, my collection of DVDs. I lost count of how much money I spent on buying DVDs. Biasanya aku beli pukal teruih, buy 5 free 1. Sampai adik jual DVD kt Giant ngn Apek sama Amoi jual DVD kt HP dh kenal sgt ngn muka aku..mwahahaha

I stuffed this bag (that I always bring back and forth from JB-KB during hols) with 'baju kurungs' and a tote filled with literature textbooks and reference books as well as other TESL-related books that I have to buy during studies.

Guess what's in it. I bought this bag during foundation, I think, after one of my course mates (who gave me a kiss during the final dinner) bought it to dump her stuff in it. Ada meja kecik yang leh lipat tu (aku beli masa dapat rumah yang di crammed ngan 16/17 people masa mula2 masuk maktab blk) utk aku buat keje atas katil sbb nak pijak tanah pun tak cukup lantai dalam rumah warden yang diberi pada kitaorg pada masa itu. Lepas tu, ada kipas angin yang aku beli masa kipas celaka dlm bilik ni mati pastu tak hidup2 dah. 2 minggu lepas komplen baru la dtg nak fix. Mati kepanasan aku kalau takde kipas pantai yang berjasa tu.

Beg yang hujung kiri tu my father dah bawak g London mana dh. Keep all the important stuff in it. I called it my reliable Samsonite sbb beg tu ada password so org takleh bukak mcm tu je. Beg army tu pun my father bagik, leh humban segala2nya kt dlm tu because of its elongated size. Yang kecik warna hitam tu pow nenek aku punya rasanya..

2 boxes filled with I-don't-know-what-I've-accumulated-over-the-years. Mampuih byk giler brg. My father dh sound masa pindah dr mktb ke UPM dulu sbb brg aku la rasanya plg byk sekali dr org lain. In the first box on the right tu ada buku2 kt bwh pastu aku lapik dgn benda lain takut berlipat cover buku tu dan sebagainya. Ada buku lingusitic, teaching methodology, testing and evaluation and other academic related books.

Yg satu box lg tu korang nampak tak shoebox Obermain ngn box yg ada gmbr cerek tu? The boxes do not symbolize what is inside. Dlm boxes tu aku letak buku2, ada buku cerita, my beloved Oxford dictionary, thesaurus dan sebagainya. Yes, I love my books more than I love my myself. I give them extra protection.

So, that is the sum of my 6 years going back and forth, first from JB-KB, then KL-KB, and revert back to JB-KB. Hopefully lepas ni, tak jauh sgt la going back and forth nya. Cross my heart and wishing on my luck.


Bye, good old closet.



Spend so many nights, looking and staring and contemplating at you, endless nights when i could not even close one eye, thinking of all dubious things and sarcastic shits i took, thinking when it all ends, thinking where i would go, thinking how many hearts i scarred today, thinking of injustice of it all, thinking of people who just won't give up on me...you, a sight that i won't miss at all...go away you.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

i have a dream to make a film made entirely out of sex dolls.

Monday, June 14, 2010

It is not right or wrong. It is not about who deserves what and which sin should be punished the hardest. It is about your conscience and why you do things the way you did. If each and everyone of us does not have that tiny voice in our head saying what I did will cause dire consequences not only to me but to every body else, non of the shitstorm happening around the world would have happened.

But then again, it is easier to preach rather than practice.

How could I be so careful when people are awfully careless about each other nowadays?

You think that providing that single favour, I will forget about everything that
happened in between?

Is that you scheming from the very beginning? Having someone to tag alone to make your life easier everywhere you go?

And to your significant other, you pride on being the first one in your family that can change their facebook status to something more glaringly obvious?

It is okay, even though it is not alright.

It is wrong. It is inhumanely retarded but who cares about that, right?
I need to let go. Period.
But how to move on?
If I could swallow a pill for every shit that I want to forget, I would pay any prize.
Any prize. Name it and you got it.

A friend told me if I have a friend, I need to trust.
Cukup-cukup lah tu.
Sampai bila kau tak nak percaya kat orang ni, bahira?
Wake up!
Wake up from your slumber.
Wake up from your pathetic existence.
Try to achieve something for yourself instead of whining.
The world does not revolve around you.
Wake up!!!!!!!!!!
It is a normal thing to be stood up and have your hopes taken away from you.

Just when you feel you might be in for something special, that feeling is ripped away from you.

You feel you are ‘it’, but you ended up being number two.

Even shittier, when someone so plastic purposely reminding you of what a sore loser you really are.

Nothing you ever worked on comes full circle because you are so full of shit.

People look you and they are reminded of what a fucking jerk you are.

Because you are a freak of nature that rarely bumps into their perfectly engineered life.

I am so sorry, I am not perfect.

But that does not give you the liberty to trample me and hurt my feelings as you please.

Maybe I am not desirable, but that does not give you the right to treat me like an object.

I know, I am indispensable.

But that does not give you the right to change your mind every 5 seconds about me.

What you said tonight won’t mean a thing tomorrow?

The feelings you have now won’t be the same in the future?

Thanks a lot for hurting me.

Thanks a lot for laughing thinking you got the better hand.

Maybe you did.

Maybe you did not.

Who cares?

Friday, June 11, 2010

Do you have a boyfriend?
My friend asked me. No I don’t. As a matter of fact, I am thankful for that. My ex sent me a message saying he has married somebody else. I don’t know his purpose for doing that. And I don’t want to know.

I have been ignoring him for the almost half a year. Ever since I knew he had somebody else. Hence, the secrets, his art of lying, his intention of doing me wrong. His code for his handphone. So that, I would never be able to know all other shenanigans he has been doing.

So, you got married? Think I care. It’s funny you still have to send messages to me to make you sleep at night. I know some people said I don’t care but your behavior, snap that, your stupidity is really transparent when you acted like a kid who has to hurt others to make you happy about yourself.

Why you have to be such a bitch and keep messing with other people’s lives? Why can’t you just leave me alone and let get on with my life the way I want it to be? Why do you have to be such a pain in the ass? Don’t you have enough of cheating, lying, manipulating, assholing, and being a pig?

Tonight, you die in my memory, my heart, and my life. You both can go to hell. I don’t give a shit about you. I will never give a shit about you. Don’t you dare try to interfere in my life. Kau dengan cara kau, aku dengan cara aku. Itu yang kau ucapkan pada aku dulu kan? Kau yang dulu suruh aku pergi mampos kan? Well, now you got your wish motherfucker.

Friday, June 4, 2010



Kalau setiap memori membuat aku menangis,
Setiap kata membuat aku sebak,
Setiap sentuhan buat aku kelu,
Apa guna kau pada aku?

Kau berikrar ambil kisah pasal aku
sedangkan janji kau pada Tuhan kau nak belakangkan?

Apa guna lafaz yang kau buat kalau dalam hati kau meronta berbelah bagi
menyimpang siur dari niat kau?

Aku tetap begini.
Diperbodohkan harapan palsu, minta aku menunggu hari kau boleh kecewakan aku lagi.

Kau senyum,
Pengikut kau bertepuk tangan, berdekah-dekah ketawa,
Tanda kau anak jantan yang paling awal menawan perawan idaman.

Jantankah kau kalau kau dayus mengharap hasil rusuk kiri member pada kau?
Perawankah idaman itu yang kau agung-agungkan?

2, 3 kau sambar buat bekalan di hari kecelakaan.

Aku merasai hari kecelakaan aku hari ini.
Pedih, berjuraian segala tapi ia buat aku seteguh berlian, sekuat besi.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

if it weren't for my religion and my cowardice, i would have killed myself a long time ago.