Monday, August 17, 2009


Dah berapa kali aku cakap, blog ni tempat aku melepaskan segala-galanya. Yang kau orang sibuk2 nak mencaci maki aku kat sini apehal. Aku ada caci maki kau orang kt blog korang ke? Dah berkali aku cakap aku blogging bukan nak hentam orang, tp orang still tak faham dan asyik2 nak hentam aku. Sukati aku la nak tulis ape pun dlm blog aku. Yg korang2 kecoh ni kenape? Menyusahkan hidup korang ke? Kalau susah, tak payahlah nak buka blog aku. Tak payah baca. Pastu sosek2. Bosan lah tau tak? Benci.

Friday, August 14, 2009


Should we just move on and not giving a fuck about how it all begins?

Should we forget and not giving a fuck about how much it hurts?

Should we be stoic and solid and not giving a fuck about how our hearts are wretched from it all?

Should we be quiet and not speak at all about how it makes us want to bleed and die?

Should we pretend nothing happens when injustice is sneering to us?

Should we stay oblivious when cruelty is taunting us for our lack of emotions?

Should we? Could we? Would we?

Yes. We should. We could. And we would.


If you want to bitch about me in your blog, please don’t make it so obvious. Please, use pseudonyms or whatever to not let me detect that you are bitching about me. I am seriously getting sick and tired of people bitching about me and sicker and more tired that I, somehow or rather know about it. Don’t ask me how I know, but I just knew it. So, next time, if you ever want to bitch about me, why don’t you just tell me or keep it to yourself, if you are just not that good enough to post about it in your blog and keep it a secret. Because somehow or rather, don’t ask me how, I knew.

I never, and trust me when I said never, blog about you in my blog. So, why oh why, you have to blog about me in your blog? God!!!!!

Thursday, August 13, 2009


to all people who long to see me down, congratulations!

to all people who long to see me rise, congratulations!

do all you can to vanquish me.

i'm still here.

you did it to me once, now you did it again.

sekali berhati busuk, selamanya berhati busuk.

berulat, berkulat, manusia macam kau memang tak patut dibiarkan hidup.

virus, parasit, pelesit.

berselindung di sebalik kepura-puraaan dan baik bertujuan.

dulu aku beri peluang dan kemaafan di saat kau seorang dipulau.

tapi sekarang kau buang aku di saat kau tak perlu lagi.


moga kau diadili suatu hari nanti.

manusia berhati busuk.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


I just finished watching two movies, Obsessed and The Last House on the Left. To other people, it might ne two completely different movies, but for me both movies share the same theme; protecting the one you love no matter to what extent. If somebody hurts the one you love, you should and ought to fight back, not to sit back and let rational thinking does the job. There’s nothing rational about letting somebody keeps hurting the one you love. There’s nothing rational about letting the one you love broken down because of somebody. There’s nothing rational about letting somebody gets away for hurting the one you love.

In the first movie, Obsessed, it’s about a psycho girl, Lisa (Ali Larter) who works as a temporary worker at this office. She is of course, “obsessed” with her boss, Derek (Idris Elba). The thing is, Derek is happily married to Sharon (Beyonce Knowles) and already has a son called Kyle. This is a story about a delusional girl who tries to push Sharon away from the picture of happy family and hope that she could become Sharon. Although, at first, the audience thought that Lisa has gone away for good but she keeps interfering in Derek’s and Sharon’s life. So, what does Sharon do? She goes face to face with the Bitch, Lisa and towards the end of the movie, we get to witness a catfight between Sharon and Lisa. Yes, Sharon is emotional, she should have called the police you said. But let me tell you something, there’s two people that you cannot touch when it comes to a woman’s life; first, her husband and secondly, her child. So, when Lisa crosses the line and touches both of these people, Sharon acts out. Does she act out on emotions? Should she call the police instead when Lisa come into the house unannounced? To hell with that. I support what Sharon did 100%. She fights back. Why? Because she is protecting those two people that she loves more than herself. She fights back out of love. Nobody can get away after hurting the two people that she loves the most. Is that emotional? Is that not rational thinking? Who cares? When somebody hurt the ones you love, are you going to stand back and let justice takes its course? What if justice never comes? That’s what I said with when it comes to love, nothing is rational. You fight back because that’s the right thing to do.

The second movie was about this family who went up a lake for their summer vacation. They are John (the dad), Emma (the mom) and Mary (the daughter). So the daughter thought that she could go to town and met her friend, Paige who works as a cashier at this shop. While they were wasting time away at the shop, there’s this boy, Justin who comes into the store and said that he got some good stuff for both of the girls. They follow Justin to his hotel room and they smoke pot. Before they knew it, Justin’s psycho family came back so these two girls were caught up at the wrong place and at the wrong time. It turns out that Justin’s family is wanted by the police for a killing spree. So, these two girls need to be “shut up” by Justin’s family. Paige was stabbed, Mary was raped but she managed to get away but she was shot in the process. Justin’s family thought that that’s the end of her. Since they were in the woods, they need to find somebody to get a shelter for the night. Guess whose house they found in the remote woods? Mary’s family house at the lake. Justin’s family was oblivious to who John and Emma were but it is Justin who found out that Mary is their daughter but he kept quiet about it. To keep a long story short, Mary managed to crawl back to the house and when John and Emma found out that Justin’s family hurt their little daughter, they sought revenge. Instead of the typical the good family gets slaughtered by the psycho, in this movie the good family becomes the psycho. They had to kill Justin’s family in order to get out safely from the house and send Mary to the hospital. You can say it is a matter of survival of the fittest. But when your family is threatened and the ones that you love is in danger, do you just stand back and let rational thinking do the justice? Or do you let your emotions and your adrenaline rush give those motherfuckers that hurt the one you love a taste of their own medicine?

Sure, it is easy to say, calm down, don’t act out on emotions, think first before you act. Let rational thinking sink in and you will find a way. Yeah, it’s easier said than done. Can you just stand back when the one you love is hurting and every single day he/she is dying because of somebody? Maybe you can, out of rational thinking and to avoid confrontation. But I can’t. So call me emotional. Because I am. But I can’t bear seeing someone I love being in great pain because of somebody. I will fight back for those that I love. I will not stand back and let somebody ridicules my love one. Maybe you look at me and decide that I’m a cold-hearted bitch, well maybe I am. But I will never let my loved ones hurt in vain. Let me take the pain, but not those that I love. That the worth of love for me.

Monday, August 10, 2009


Seekor kucing di tepi jalan, mati dilanggar lori bila hendak melintas jalan sebab mahu memberi makan pada anak-anak kucing yang kelaparan di seberang jalan.

Seorang anak manusia, meminta pertolongan dalam surat khabar untuk menurunkan berat badan akibat makan nasi empat pinggan bersama ayam goreng sebelah ekor setiap hari.

Damn! What the world is coming to?


Biar muka kau hitam dan banyak jerawat, asal hati kau putih dan suci murni.

Biar baju kau compang-comping, asalkan kau tidak mengoyakkan baju orang lain.

Biar kau gelandangan, asalkan kau tidak merampas hak orang lain.

Biar kau seorang, asalkan kau tidak menyusahkan orang lain.

Biar kau dianiayai, asalkan kau tidak menyakiti orang lain.



Di saat aku menyalahkan dunia mengatakan semua orang tidak adil, si dia ada bersamaku.

Di saat air mata aku mengalir untuk kali yang ke berapa ratus ribu, dia ada menemaniku.

Di saat aku berasa aku lah bitch yang paling useless sekali, dia setia menidakkan ke’bitch’an itu.

Di saat aku mahu mati menyerah kalah, dia ada mendengar dan memberi kata semangat.

Di saat aku rasa seorang dan mahu menyorok di ruang paling hujung di dunia, dia ada menyokongku.

Yang penting, dia ada bersamaku.

Seteruk mana pun aku, dia ada bersamaku.

Dia sentiasa ada, bersamaku.

Ada. Bersamaku.

Sunday, August 9, 2009


Salah satu perkara yang membimbangkan ialah lebih banyak post Kebencian daripada post yang lain.


To whom this life may belong to, please note the shortage of oxygen is only temporary. Side effects may include temporary blindness, insanity, anti-socialism, dejection, heavy breathing and radiation of chemical and toxin glares. Supply will be back as usual as materialism and pretentiousness be restored again. We hope this decrement in basic necessity would not deter you from working with us in the near future. Thank you.
How many times are you allowed to give up in your life?


Ada seorang budak yang sangat pemalu di sebuah kampong yang sangat peramah. Setiap hari, budak yang pemalu itu terpaksa menyampaikan salam kepada setiap orang yang lalu dihadapan rumahnya. Walaupun dia amat pemalu dan rasa nak mati setiap kali dia terpaksa bercakap dengan orang yang lalu di hadapan rumahnya, tetapi dia terpaksa berbuat demikian kerana dia adalah anak yang soleh dan tidak pernah mengingkari arahan ibu dan bapanya (bapanya adalah ketua kampong yang sangat digeruni oleh sekalian anak-anak kampong yang tak berguna).

Disebabkan rasa kemaluan yang amat sangat, budak pemalu ini akan berpeluh satu badan setiap kali dia terpaksa tertonggok di depan rumahnya dan memberi salam kepada setiap orang yang lalu di rumahnya. Selepas habis satu hari member salam dan berpura-pura senyum pada orang yang lalu-lalang, baju melayu yang dipakainya akan basah lenjun dek kerana kegentaran dan ketidakkuatan iman budak tersebut menghadapi rasa malunya itu.

Suatu hari, dia terbaca di dalam akhbar yang diaut bungkus nasi lemak bahawa terdapat satu syarikat penerbangan yang berjanji akan menerbangkan budak pemalu ini ke luar Negara dengan tambang yang bisa memberikan kejutan pada kapilari darah yang tersumbat dek kolestrol. Maka, budak ini pun memasang cita-cita untuk melarikan diri dari kampong yang peramah ini apabila dia sudah cukup duit kelak.

Maka, budak ini pun mengumpul duit dengan rajinnya bersama segulung harapan satu hari nanti dia dapat menjejakkan kaki ke negara orang dan meninggalkan kampong peramah yang sangat plastik itu. Selepas 10 tahun, 11 bulan, 12 hari menabung, akhirnya dia berjaya membeli tiket kapal terbang yang diidamkan. Dia dengan bangganya pergi ke lapangan terbang dan menghulurkan tiketnya pada petugas di situ. Tetapi, harapannya hancur apabila pegawai tersebut memberitahu, “Dik, ari ni 9 aribulan 8. Aik beli tiket ni untuk 9 aribulan 7. Dh lepas tarikh ni dik.” Budak yang pemalu itu terus membisu hingga ke hari ini walaupun dia dipanggil anak derhaka oleh bapanya apabila budak itu enggan memberi salam seperti selalu kepada setiap orang yang lalu-lalang di hadapan rumahnya.

Friday, August 7, 2009


Perkara yang paling best dalam hidup aku yang satu adalah bila mama tepon (1 hari kekadang 2-3 kali) and die ckp “I Love You” kt aku. Itu membuatkan hati aku berbunga-bunga.


The definition of happiness varies for person to person. Depends on what you look forward for every morning you wake up in the morning. Some people find joy in making other people happy. Obedient housewives slaving themselves to make breakfast in the morning, cleaning the house all afternoon, washing, ironing clothes, and later preparing dinner for the husband and brats that we called children. And not even a single thank you from husband that still cat-calling other women even after years of marriage and ungrateful children that treat their mom like carpet under their feet. Are these housewives happy? Maybe, even though we can really tell what they really desire inside their deepest of hearts.

Others are more selfish than these selfless housewives, putting their happiness above others. They claim to be individualistic, having their own freedom and making decisions that they think won’t affect others. They are the new breed of people in the new generation that seems to have virtue and concrete objectives in their life. It is good to see these new generation emerging, but at the same time worrying when the only purpose of living for oneself, instead of considering others that may directly or indirectly influence our life.

So, back to the initial question. What is happiness? You tell me.


Kadang kala bila kau dh think the world of one person, everything that the person does is good in your eyes. Tak kira la walaupun orang tu teruk di mata org lain. Tak kira la walaupun org tu teruk dgn kau. Sebab org tu raja di hati kau, walaupun hamba di hati org lain. Bila ada org yang bertakhta di hati kau, semua yang org cakap kau butakan dan kau tulikan. Sebab apa? Sebab org tu perfect di mata kau. Bahaya bila jadi mcm ni. Tapi at least bila jadi mcm ni, you know what it feels like to be madly and passionately in feelings that you cannot even describe.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009



1.You stop believing in everything, including yourself.

2.You shift your attention to once concrete task; only playing the same game in your handphone, keep writing something in your exam pad, cutting your fingernails until it bleeds.

3.You hardly smile, let alone laugh because everything you see loses its colours.

4.You have trouble waking up in the morning because you don’t want to wake up at all.

5.You constantly dread the day, and cry all night.


Life is like an empty parking space, with a stupid car blocking it.


There was once a boy who is a complete nerd. He’s so nerd that all his friends think that the spectacles he’s wearing is nerdy. Even his handwriting shows the making of a nerd. The impact of him being a nerd even impaired his social skills. So much so that people call him anti-social, which is one step above being a nerd.

So, while he was thinking on ways to make him super cool (p/s: he can’t play guitars and make girls swoon over him because his hands are custom made only for nerdy tasks), he came across an advertisement about a postpaid plan on tv. Subscribe to the plan and get a free iPhone. It’s not the plan which was interested but the prospect of getting an iPhone, which was the latest gadget that almost made him come in his pants (he never kissed a girl, let alone shagged one, so his only sexual relief usually came in the form of visual aids, like the sight of iPhone).

Him, being a rich, spoilt kid, asked his father for the money to register for the postpaid plan and to achieve his ambition of owning an iPhone. With a high spirit, he marched to the nearest postpaid centre, and of course, registered. And he got what he hoped for, iPhone.

After 3 months of subscribing to the plan, he had to pay insurmountable amount for the monthly bills but he didn’t care as his father took care of the bills. He managed to get a girlfriend by flashing his iPhone one day in public. Now, he did not even contemplate of getting a life-sized doll. He also became more nerdy with the passing of time but nobody complained because now he thought that he is more sociable because he has the miraculous and magnificent iPhone. And of course, with the iPhone, along comes the girlfriend. So, every time he meets someone nerdy, he would advise them to subscribe to the postpaid plan and get the iPhone, because it is the ultimate recipe for success in social life.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


Kadang2 bila kau takde kawan, kau masih ada family. Bila kau takde family, kwn2 lg penting bg kau. Kalau kau takde kedua2nya, keluarga buang kau dan kawan2 pulau kau, kau akan kahwin lari bersama orang yang kau cinta sepenuh jiwa sampai mati. Kesimpulannya, everybody needs somebody. Anybody. What about those who have nobody?


Di Kampung Bukit Bonggol, ada seorang budak perempuan yang sangat sukakan bunga telur. Setiap kali ada majlis perkahwinan, mesti budak perempuan ini akan hadir, dan dia akan selalu duduk di sebelah bunga telur, menanti pengantin duduk di jinjang pelamin, menanti tetamu menepung tawar pengantin, dan menanti pengapit memberikan bunga telur kepadanya.

Di bilik tidur budak perempuan ini, dipenuhi dengan bekas-bekas bunga telur yang dikumpulnya. Pada waktu lapang, budak perempuan ini akan membersihkan habuk-habuk yang melekat pada setiap bekas bunga telur ini.

Di dalam hati budak perempuan ini, dia bercita-cita untuk memberikan bunga telur kepada orang lain pulak, bukan setakat menanti dan menerima bunga telur. Tapi sayang seribu kali sayang, belum sempat dia mencapai cita-citanya itu, dia terpaksa meninggalkan hidupnya yang dikelilingi dengan bunga-bunga telur kesayangannya setelah dia dilanggar lori telur yang dikelindankan oleh seorang pembuat bunga telur komersil yang berjaya.

Monday, July 27, 2009


Ada orang ramai betul supporters even though at times orang ni acts crazy or does something foolish. Maybe because this person is blessed with the ability to be a people magnet. Aku pun people magnet jugak, tapi people Kutub Utara, aku pun Kutub Utara. Menolak lah magnet tu, mana nak tertarik kalau kutub sama. Mungkin aku kena bertukar jadi Kutub Selatan, baru boleh menarik Kutub Utara. Tapi let’s say aku jadi Kutub Selatan, tiba-tiba people nak jadi Kutub Selatan jugak, macam mana tuh?


Aku tak berani nak membalas apa yang orang buat pada aku. Hatta fitnah yang paling kejam dan tak betul sekalipun yang kau sebarkan pasal aku, aku takkan balas balik. Aku dah rasa impak ketidakbetulan patah-patah kata fitnah yang kau lemparkan. Walaupun sakit dan robek hati aku (tak boleh nak gam balik macam pasu yang pecah), tapi I will never wish you ill. Cuma aku berharap yang kau ditunjukkan jalan kebenaran dan sedar kesakitan yang kau jatuhkan pada aku suatu hari nanti akan menjadi milik kau. Air mata yang menitis sebab kau akan suatu hari nanti terpercik di muka kau. Dan hati yang kau robekkan akan suatu hari kau sesali bila hati kau sendiri kemek dan remuk, tak dapat diselamatkan lagi. Bila hari itu sampai, I will offer my condolences, instead of suggesting a book to read like you did to me when I was feeling shitty. Blah~~~


Aku rasa, for the past 5 years, I’ve been slaving myself to my study. And for the past 2 years, I’ve been devoting myself to my one and only (you know who you are). People and magazines said that you must think of yourself first, and then only you can think of others. But I cannot bring myself to do it. I am no saint. But I am certainly not the devil either.

Sunday, July 26, 2009


Tak abis2 lagi dengan PPSMI. Tiap2 kali menteri pelajaran bertukar, tiap2 kali jugak polisi dirombak. Pastu, mulalah nak tambah waktu BI la, nak anta guru BI ke pedalaman la (seriously, this one has become the most favourite excuse to taunt us), dan mcm2 lagi. Apa ni? Setiap 5 tahun wajib tukar polisi ker? Ikut kepala sape yg lagi berkuasa?


12.09, 270709

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Kehidupan yang mcm cibai akan membuatkan kau rasa meluat melihat keadaan sekeliling. I promise myself not to feel this way ever again, but I always broke those promises to myself. Why? Because I never broke my promises to other people.

Other people matter, right? Put other people above yourself, isn’t that the philosophy and principles of our Asian culture? Orang melayu mesti mempertahankan adat dan tradisi. If we’re not, that we won’t have so much fuss over PPSMI, right?
Bahasa Melayu tak hilang rasanya kalau setakat mengajar Sains dan Matematik dalam Bahasa Inggeris. Keluar kelas tetap cakap Melayu jugak kan? Xde murid2 yang keluar kelas tetiba buang tebiat bertanya kt kwn die, “My dear friend, where are you heading after this? Care to join me at the school canteen for some fish nugget (keropok)?”

Like I said before, the education system in Malaysia is a joke.

P/S: Pandai2 la korang fkr post ni pasal me being shitty, the policy of PPSMI, the Asian culture, or the pretentiousness of life.


Hari tu ye2 aje kau sumpah dan maki hamun org tu. Mcm2 kau umpat dan mengata org itu. Itu, ini dan mcm2 lg perkataan yg kalau aku tulis kt cni mmg kena censor. Tp alih2 hari ni kau boleh bergelak ketawa dan bertepuk tampar dgn manusia sama yang kau caci maki dan umpat. Isn’t life just pretentious?


Apa yang membuatkan kau rasa mahu bangun pagi-pagi? Macam post aku yang sebelum bila aku cakap aku taknak bangun pagi sebab pagi memang sejuk dan syaitan memang jahat dan durjana taknak bagi kau bangun?

Memang susah nak bangun pagi dan simbah badan dengan air sejuk macam ais kiub yang dah cair tu. Apatah lagi kalau pagi tu pada malamnya hujan dan kau rasa ah nikmatnya kalau kau tak perlu bangun untuk pergi kelas yang macam evil start jam 7.30 pagi. Hoi, kau jadi cikgu nanti sekolah start jam sama lah!

Aku rasa kalau aku penggubal polisi pendidikan, sekolah akan start pukul 9 pagi. Dengan ini, ibu bapa tak perlu hantar anak bila gate sekolah dah nak tutup sebab waktu mereka masuk kerja sama dengan waktu anak mereka masuk sekolah. Waktu sekolah pulak habis dalam pukul 5 petang (termasuk dengan kelas tambahan, perjumpaan persatuan/kelab dan sebagainya). Ibu bapa pun tak perlu curi-curi masa lunch untuk ambil anak waktu tengahari. Ibu bapa habis kerja pukul 5 petang boleh terus ambil anak di sekolah. Lepas itu, boleh pergi restoran order apa yang anak-anak atau suami nak makan sebab kalau balik rumah nak masak memang tak sempat tambah-tambah lagi kalau anda berada di tempat yang traffic jam nye mengalahkan orang beratur nak dapat bilik hotel RM 1 kat Genting Highlands suatu masa dulu.

Kamu rasa-rasalah kan, aku ni sesuai tak jadi policy-maker?


Bila aku melihat perempuan menangis, aku bertanya berhargakah tangisan itu atas sebab apa? Kenapa kau menangis? Sebab jantankah? Sebab keputusan peperiksaan yang macam cibai kah? Atau sebab kau bencikan keliling kau yang macam bau kemenyan yang tak mahu hilang-hilang walaupun kau sental badan kau dengan sabun Zaitun guna tanpa was-was?


I am sick and tired. Entah apa yang aku buat sampai aku rasa macam tu pun aku taktau. Banyak sangat berfikir pasal orang lain. Ntah apeape ntah. Waras ke tak seseorang manusia tu aku rasa depends on his or her ability to overlook things. Orang yang boleh mrlihat some injustice depan mata anf overlooked it so that they can sleep at night and wake up every morning without having glimpses of that particular incident. But to a minority of us who cannot overlook such things, we tend to think and think until we cracked our brain and it’s too late when you find in the middle of nothing, tears streamed down your face out of nowhere. Bahaya kalau fikir banyak-banyak, you tend to ponder and question things that you should not think or question about in the first place. So, what should we do? Don’t think at all so that mental institutions can be closed down because no people got insane from thinking too much out of such a trivial matter?

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


Pernah kau bangun satu pagi dan rasa macam tak nak bangun?

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


Susah kalau kau terlalu banyak berfikir pasal sesuatu. Walaupun kau tak nak fikir tapi bila kau tengah terkedip-kedip memandang kegelapan, minda kau mula berfikir dan berfikir dan berfikir. Entah apa yang kau karutkan sampai gula-gula kapas yang kecil menjadi satu bola kapas yang besar dan akhirnya menelan kau sekali.

Kenapa aku yang selalu jadi mangsa? Kenapa aku yang selalu menangis? Kenapa hati aku yang selalu terluka?

Seriously, I envy those who can do things to others and then sleep soundly at night. Tak fikir apa-apa terus lelap dan bermimpi ke alam fana abadi. Mungkin mereka ini dikurniakan dengan kebolehan untuk tidur cepat dan bermimpi indah-indah. Kalau boleh aku pun nak. Sebab aku susah tidur malam. Apatah lagi nak mimpi indah-indah.

Monday, July 20, 2009


It’s amazing how sometimes people seem to know more about you than you know about yourself. Ntah dari mana mereka-mereka tau itu, ini pasal kamu. Mesti kamu pun tertanya-tanya kan?

Entahlah, mungkin mereka ni punyai active imagination yg always keep working. Benda yang takde pun diada-adakan. Kalau mereka keep this imagination to themselves, aku no hal. But what becomes the problem is when they share or rather speculate this and that about you to other people.

Ada one of my commenters from my deleted blog said why give an eff about these people. Well, that’s what I think at first but really, you will be cheating yourself if you say you don’t give a damn about what people say because in the end, it matters meh..

Ok, so you try to ignore these people because they don’t matter to you. But it seems that you matter to them and that is why they keep talking about you, because you, yes my dear you matter. You should be happy about that, kan? Yeah.


Adalah satu kegilaan apabila engkau menjadi pelajar yang sedang gila mencari tiket balik kampung yang gila dengan orang-orang yang sanggup beratur di stesen-stesen keretapi mahupun stesen-stesen bas semata-mata nak membeli tiket raya yang dua bulan lagi baru boleh balik. Puasa pun belum wei, dah nak beli tiket raya ker????!!!

Aku tak suka betul bab-bab membeli tiket ni. Tension tau tak!!! Eii, benci tau.. (wow, I manage to make myself sound so coy and bitchy, heheh)

Tolong la perbanyakkan coach keretapi supaya aku tak perlu mematahkan belakang aku dan mengebaskan bontot aku untuk perjalanan 12 jam dr jb-kb. Tak tahan woo…

Kononnya kt stesen keretapi tu ada tampal notis leh booking melalui telefon pukul 8.30 am sampai 9.30 pm. Tapi bila aku call stesen KTMB JB kul 9.45 am td, akak tu ckp “Dik, kalau nak tempah kul 10.30 pg baru boleh dik. Tiket g wakaf bahru dh abes dik”. Nyampahnyeeeeee…..

Kalau la aku ni kaya aku beli je satu coach keretapi tu. Boleh aku berbuas dalam keretapi tu, hahahaha…


Kalau la aku diberi peluang utk memilih memiliki super power, aku akan memilih untuk memiliki kebolehan generate money, any currency. Sebab org ckp dunia skang ni materialistic. Memang betul la kan. Don’t u out there try to deny it because it is damn true.

So kalau la aku memiliki super power itu, first aku akan belikan rumah yg banyak untuk disewakan. Untuk masa depan. Org ckp real estate is a good investment. And then maybe aku akan melabur dlm public mutual atau great eastern. Pun utk masa depan. At least kalau aku mati, aku punyer benefactor iaitu mah family leh menikmati semua tu.

Untuk mama, aku akan belikan barang kemas yg banyak2 utk die. Cuma aku akan advisekan kn die jgn la pakai semua nnt kang menarik perhatian org ramai pulak. Pastu aku akan try utk trace blk family mama yg die tak pernah jumpa. That’s probably the biggest gift ever that I can get her. Lepas tu, aku akan belikan mama blouse yg cantik2, lawa2, bwk die pergi facial, spa, belikan die kerusi urut Osim. Semuanya utk keselesaan die.

Untuk papa, aku akan belikan Volvo 940 utk die. Sbb tu fevered car die dr dulu lg. Die minat motor jugak, especially Harley Davidson, leh mama ngn papa aku merempit pulak, hehe. Pastu aku akan mintak papa takyah la keje PLKN tu, duk je kt umah teman mama. Maybe aku akan bina balapan kt papa aku ni sebab papa suke jogging.

Ameer, satu collection, the newest one that is, of Louis Vuitton bags. Everything from the smallest to the biggest bags that you can ever dream of. And then, a complete facial and spa package (I know you will enjoy this with mama and me,heheh). And of course, a monthly allowance until u started earning yourself because I know you will need those monthly regimens for yourself. And if worst come to worst and you don’t get a scholarship, I will pay for your medicine course so that mama will be glad to call you Dr Ameer.

And for you, I will buy you the Iphone that you have been eyeing for ages. I will buy u a BMW with GPS so we won’t be lost when travelling together again. And I will also buy a superbike so u can take me on a ride. Maybe you and I won’t have to work a government servants, we can quit our jobs, move to Bali so you can watch Sheila on 7 on concert in Indonesia. And of course lah, first we have to get married and go to Mecca together gether because I know that’s what u want. But we have to go with my family, because that’s what they want first.

Huh, I’ve been rambling for almost half a page already??!!!


Bila kau marah, salah satu cara utk calm me down ialah dengan memeluk aku. Tp siapa yg nak dekat kan bila org tgh marah. Aku rasa mama aku je berani, sebab dulu aku ni sebesar bijik kacang je dlm perut die. Kecik kan aku dulu. Ntah ape aku sumbat dalam usus aku sampai aku boleh jd gedempol sedemikian rupa.

But mama I love you, no matter what happens. Aku susah sket nk menyebut I love you pd sesiape pun. Maybe I don’t say it enough, but I love you, mama. I love you, papa. I love you, Ameer.


Satu je kelemahan org perempuan, die cepat cemburu. Kalau ader yg ckp die tak cemburu langsung, die bukan perempuan la tu. Ader jugak perempuan yg tak kisah menjadi “the other woman”. Dah tau lelaki tu ader gf/bini, but still hak org jugak yg nmpak mcm best. Ini memang tak patut dimaafkan. Sanggupkah anda membina kebahagiaan atas air mata org lain? Sanggup?

Kalau sanggup, just remember dunia ni bulat. Mungkin sekarang kau tersenyum kepuasan sebab berjaya merosakkan hubungan org lain, tp suatu hari nnt hubungan kau pulak yg akan dirosakkan oleh org lain. Ape omputih cakap, “what’s goes around comes around, what goes up must come down.” In other words, kalau hari ini kau membuat org break up, bercerai-berai, esok2 atau lusa2 kau pulak akan berada di tempat mereka yg telah kau aniaya. Still, I am true believer in karma.


Tadi masa kelas Madam Ong (ELT Materials) ada satu pesanan yg memang melekat lah. Die ckp ade satu pesan Rasulullah, org yg byk berckp, byk membuat dosa, org yg byk dosa nerakalah tempatnya. Daripada kite bergosip dan membuat dosa, baik kita develop materials untuk students kita. Itulah yg Madam Ong ckp td. Best kan?

Sunday, July 19, 2009


I sebenarnya tak suke kalau org yg I kenal membaca blog I. Sebab nnt heboh pulak org ckp die tu tulis ini, tulis itu dlm blog die. Aku pun tak tahu la ape yg nak diherankan sgt dgn blog aku yg tak seberapa ni. But I swear to God, blog ni bukan utk menghentam org, bukan utk menceritakan pasal classmates aku. Dan sama dgn blog sebelumnya yg dh aku delete sbb ramai sgt yg soseh tp tak comment pun kt blog tu.

I need some outlet for myself, an outlet where I won’t be judged (I have enough of that in real life, “Awak kan nk jd cikgu, seorang cikgu tak boleh berkelakuan mcm ni”). Tolonglah, jgn la baca blog aku lepas tu buat andaian sendiri and sum up who I am based on what I wrote. This is just my ramblings on what happened around me, so guys and gals, please don’t take it so seriously.

Whatever I wrote in here should not be a yardstick of who I am and what I am all about. The purpose of this blog is just to internalize what I feel and think is significant to me. Events that I think should be put down in written words just because those events stick in my mind for time to time. Kalau ada yang terasa blog aku ada kena-mengena dengan mereka dan keluarga mereka, please comment on my blog or e-mail me. Jangan buat spekulasi sendiri okeh bebeh?!

Saturday, July 18, 2009


Mah bf dh tau my blog. he's reading it..

abes lah aku takleh ngumpat die lg dlm blog aku...waaaaaaa


They say the road to love is not a simple one. It is not a one way highway in which you could travel back and forth without complication. There are dangers lurking in every corner, and if you are not aware you will probably get into an accident.

My road to love is definitely challenging. A lot of hurdles and loop holes involved that sometimes make me want to stop by the side of the road and let a tow truck towed my car away. Although I feel like that constantly, but my car is a very tough one, one with a superb engine and a good performace.

I believe that you should not give up when your car breaks down, or when it is making funny noises. If you are have a smooth ride, what if one day your car accidentally breaks down and you don’t know what to do?

My car has been making funny noises now and again. And sometimes, when I drive I miss the signs and ended up being on the wrong crossroads. But no matter how many times I was wrong, I always tried to go back to where I came from and worked my way from there.

Indeeed, love is not an easy feat to do. But believe me, if you have a good driver and even better navigator, even though you might have bumpy rides at times, but eventually you will enjoy the journey together.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


Inilah kisah hidupku. Yang penuh dengan air mata dan hati sakit. Air mata? Kebanyakannya untuk orang yang paling aku sayang tapi aku tak tahu kenapa berapa banyak kali pun hatiku disiat-siat macam kulit yang terkopek akibat dirotan, hati aku masih belum mahu lepaskan dan mindaku masih belum mahu lupakan.

Ada yang berkata, dan kadang-kala aku sendiri bertanya “Bodohkah aku?”

Sudah terang-terangan dia mahu main-main dan tidak mampu untuk bercanda dengan aku seorang tapi aku tetap mahu dia. Kalau diberi Prince Charming sekalipun aku tetap mahu dia. “Bodohkah aku?”

Kalau betul cinta itu membahagiakan, kenapa aku punya cinta selalu buat aku rasa macam orang paling bodoh dan gemuk dan hodoh dan gemuk dan hodoh di dunia? Orang cakap cinta bukan segalanyalah. Betul. Tapi kalau ia bukan segalanya kenapa aku rasa nak mati sekarang bila aku tak yakin dengan cintaku?

Belajar tinggi-tinggi pun nak sibukkan diri dengan perkara remeh macam ini. Kalau kau baca buku Salina oleh A.Samad Said, kau akan rasa kasihan dengan watak Salina yang kasihnya tak berbelah bagi pada Abdul Fakar yang macam sial melayan perempuan itu yang serah segalanya kepada dia yang tak layak pun untuk perempuan itu. Perempuan itu sanggup melacur untuk dia, Abdul Fakar, supaya Abdul Fakar dapat pakai elok-elok, makan sedap-sedap, dan berjoli puas-puas.

Cinta itu butakah? Sudah terang-terangan di depan mata pun kau tak mahu percaya kerana besar dan suci sangat cintamu pada si dia. Apa ini? Cintakah ini?

Aku benci diriku sendiri.
Inilah kisah hidupku. Yang penuh dengan air mata dan hati sakit. Air mata? Kebanyakannya untuk orang yang paling aku sayang tapi aku tak tahu kenapa berapa banyak kali pun hatiku disiat-siat macam kulit yang terkopek akibat dirotan, hati aku masih belum mahu lepaskan dan mindaku masih belum mahu lupakan.

Ada yang berkata, dan kadang-kala aku sendiri bertanya “Bodohkah aku?”

Sudah terang-terangan dia mahu main-main dan tidak mampu untuk bercanda dengan aku seorang tapi aku tetap mahu dia. Kalau diberi Prince Charming sekalipun aku tetap mahu dia. “Bodohkah aku?”

Kalau betul cinta itu membahagiakan, kenapa aku punya cinta selalu buat aku rasa macam orang paling bodoh dan gemuk dan hodoh dan gemuk dan hodoh di dunia? Orang cakap cinta bukan segalanyalah. Betul. Tapi kalau ia bukan segalanya kenapa aku rasa nak mati sekarang bila aku tak yakin dengan cintaku?

Belajar tinggi-tinggi pun nak sibukkan diri dengan perkara remeh macam ini. Kalau kau baca buku Salina oleh A.Samad Said, kau akan rasa kasihan dengan watak Salina yang kasihnya tak berbelah bagi pada Abdul Fakar yang macam sial melayan perempuan itu yang serah segalanya kepada dia yang tak layak pun untuk perempuan itu. Perempuan itu sanggup melacur untuk dia, Abdul Fakar, supaya Abdul Fakar dapat pakai elok-elok, makan sedap-sedap, dan berjoli puas-puas.

Cinta itu butakah? Sudah terang-terangan di depan mata pun kau tak mahu percaya kerana besar dan suci sangat cintamu pada si dia. Apa ini? Cintakah ini?

Aku benci diriku sendiri.

Thursday, July 9, 2009


Kalau seseorang cakap “Eh, die tu kan jahat tau! Baik kau jauhkan diri dari dia,” lagilah aku nk kenal org “jahat” tersebut. Sebab aku rasa tak adil kan kau memilih kawan berdasarkan review org lain terhadap org tersebut. So, selalunya aku akan kenal dulu dgn org “jahat” tersebut dan kalau mmg betul die tu “jahat”, why not give him or her another chance?

Aku rasa nk jd cikgu nanti kena byk bg second, third, fourth, fifth, entah ke berapa chance pada anak murid. Sebab aku tau mcm maner rasanya org put a label to you and expect you to act accordingly. Sungguh tak adil. Kekadang org tu tak mcm yg kau sangka, tp sebab kau dah meletakkan label yg org tu mcm tu, so org tu pun akan mengikut label yg kau berikan.

Kalau seseorang mengatakan yg “Do you believe in second chances?” I would say yes. Life is all about taking chances, if you want to play it safe, please wear a condom. But of course, people say sex sucks with condom on although it is safe. Imagine condom is that label that you put on people. Kalau semua org kau labelkan, siapa lagi yg tnggal untuk kau?

So, bagi aku, tak kiralah kau jahat ke, baik ke, kalau aku rasa nak kenal dgn kau, aku akan berusaha kenal dgn kau. Aku takkan membenarkan condom, eh label menyebabkan aku menjadi org yg play it safe. So, sape nk kenal ngn aku????? Hehehehe….


Hari ni lepas aku balik beli broadband (hehehe, ini post pertama aku menggunakan kuasa biru celcom jalur lebar) adalah satu kertas berlipat kaler biru di atas katil aku. Alah, kertas2 flyer pasal agama tu. Ada mcm free nasihat kt dalam tu. So time aku nk tunggu kwn aku pnggil nk ngetest broadband ni, aku pun baca la ape yg ader kt dlm kertas biru tu. Nk tau tajuknye? MENGUMPAT.

Memang best tajuknye. Sebab aku rasa semua org pun mengumpat. Termasuklah aku. Aku pernah rasa mcm maner peritnya kena umpat tp xde org defend sampai aku rasa mcm nk giler dan hampir2 putus asa. The only thing that keeps me sane at that time was those subjects I learned in class. Bila aku dilayan dengan ketidakadilan (umpatan dan tikam belakang coming in) Tuhan bersama aku, dan Alhamdullilah dengan sokongan Tuhan dan mama yg tak puas2 menasihati aku supaya berhenti menangis, aku berjaya mengekalkan kewarasan dengan mengalihkan rasa marah dan patah hati pada assignment2 yg harus aku siapkan.

Kekadang kau rasa dunia ni tak adil (mmg tak adil pun, that’s my pessimistic side talking..uhhmm..) tapi percayalah bila kau rasa sungguh keseorangan dan tiada siapa pun percayakan kau, kau akan dapat satu enormous strength untuk membuktikan yg semua org salah. Kekadang it’s a good thing to be egoistical, kerana dgn ego tu lah u can avoid people trampling all over your head.

Dulu mungkin aku yg salah, tp percayalah bila aku dgr sesuatu yg buruk ttg seseorang a.k.a umpatan, aku tidak mudah percaya seratus peratus. Kenapa? Sebab tak adil kn hanya dgr cerita sebelah pihak je. As always, there’s two sides to every story. So, I prefer to hear both sides instead of just believing those umpatan. Umpatan can be vicious, it can destroy someone’s reputation in an instant. Tambah2 plak dlm cyberage ni, ko leh mengumpat org serta merta dan publish it in say, ur blog and let the whole world know abot your supposedly correct assumptions about that person that you call a freak.

Mmg betul org yg diumpat (samada umpatan tu berbentuk face-to-face ataupun pc-to-pc, e.g blog pastu ko comment2 menyokong umpatan penulis blog tersebut), tidak ada peluang untuk membela diri. Tak adil kan? Mana aci ko je leh jd sooooo judgemental towards other people, but other people didn’t get the same chance?

Life is indeed so unfair.

Thursday, July 2, 2009


Dulu masa ku xde bf, aku ader kawan2 yg aku anggap pemikir. Aku pernah masuk debate di maktab dan itu aku consider as my most shining moment in mktb (pathetic kan?). aku ader 3 org kawan batch aku, dan seorang junior aku that made up the team of debaters. Sorang ni minet japan and everything Japanese. Sorang lg V-Kool and I regretted we did not turn out ok. Sorang lg dh ebrtambah seksi sekarang ni,wah2….haha..u always look great, mah darling..dan sorang lagi, mah junior I don’t know much about him after debate, that’s sad too (maybe he thinks im stupid for having a bf). Taktaulah..but my frens you are all great people, pemikir bg aku. Tak mcm sorang tu yg berlagak kan. OK, cukup. Blog ni bkn utk hentam org.


Dulu aku ader blog tp aku dh delete memandangkan I have nothing worth reading to write. Skang aku open create blog baru. Saje je sbb aku rasa aku perlu cari blk diri aku dan x berputus asa utk cari the truth about what is missing in my life. Kita kan kena percaya pada Qada' dan Qadar. Bak kata kwn aku yg tuduh aku agnostic tu kan.

Sesungguhnya, demi Allah aku tak pernah “hated God, despised my parents” like what he said. Walaupun aku culas giler bab solat, tp doa parents aku membuatkan aku masih waras dan sedar bahawa aku ingin mati dalam Islam. Mungkin iman kurang tp hati aku tak busuk mcm die yg tuduh aku mcm2. Dia permainkan hati dan perasaan aku 3 tahun, ada aku bls dendam kt die. My father was his father’s superior in the army, pernah aku sombong and think that I am better than him? Tp manusia mcm die ni who thinks he looked smart just because he used complicated words that average laymen won’t understand made me sick.

Sudahlah. Aku bukan mcm die. Seribu tahun lagi pun aku takkan jadi mcm die.


Dulu masa mula2 dulu, kawan kau tolong bukakan akaun Friendster utk aku. Aku ingat lagi password aku dulu banana(kawan aku punyer kerja la ni, I love u sygku!). Pastu, masa aku cari friends kt freindster (kan kau kena insert e-mail utk cari kengkwn kau kan), aku pun gatal nk insert e-mail bf aku. Saje gatal sbb masa tu mmg gatal hentai punye la sbb baru kapel for the very first time (so bayangkan la betapa gatalnya aku). Kn kt Friendster ada comments tu kan yg leh view kt bwh profile kau tu. Aku pun nmpk ada satu minah ni comment “I*** sayang *kim” kt profile bf aku. Aku pun apalagi mengamuk la kan tanya sape yg berani syg2kan bf aku ni. Die ckp tu sepupu die. Hmmm…

Pastu profile dier terus diprivatekan dan sepnjang2 aku ader akaun Friendster, die xpnh add aku. Sukatilah.

And then aku pun start buka akaun Myspace. Adik aku lak punya keje. Myspace cool. Ok lah sbb byk giler jantan yg add aku. Kalau kau letak gmbr cam nk melacur sket, lg la byk org add kau. Tp lepas lama2 alu rasa boring la plak Myspace. Especially, bila profile kau dh sejuk and xde org dah nk add ko as fren.

So, aku pun move on la buka akaun Facebook plak. Ni mcm best jugak sbb it’s very simple. Xde layout fancy2 mcm FS and MS. Tp punya la lambat mengalahkan siput babi yg dicurah garam Facebook ni. Berjanggut aku tnggu dpn screen nk tnggu page die load. Aku pun kurang sabar dan delete akaun aku.

Lps tu ader plak org invite aku pegi mcm2 lg social networking site. Netlog, Pagii, Hi5, Tagged, mcm2 la. Aku pun sign up je la kan. So xtau la lps ni aku akan letak gmbr cun2 nk bg org ramai add aku ke x. Kalau y’all tau my e-mail, add la me as fren yeah…


Kau rasa tak ape yg aku rasa?
Kalau kau xleh rasa,
Mcm maner kau tau ape yg aku tau?

Kau label mcm2,
Siapa yg labelkan diri kau?

Aku jahil,
Buta tuli,
Hati keras,
Kepala mereng.

Tapi hati aku tak busuk mcm kau.


Aku mls btol nk packing. Aku benci nak menyesuaikan diri di tempat baru. Kekadang aku terfikir, nape x diabiskan terus je kt ipg pastu baru smbung upm? Nk plak buat 3 taun di ipg, 2 taun di upm, pastu 1 taun di ipg. X kena lelah namanya tu. Gi mari gi mari.

6 tahun. Setakat ni aku belum gila lagi.
Ari ni masa xleh tido, I bangun and on my brother’s pc. Entah mcm maner, I rase mcm nk baca my fren’s blog. And then I buka la this girl punya blog, she’s witty and creative about her postings and I like her in general. Pastu I try la open in new tab other blogs yg ader kt tepi tu kan. It made me opened a blog by MS. He wrote about an agnostic named NB. So, MS wrote about NB and guess what this NB is me! Ta~da….

And byk la jugak he broke my heart about that post. To say I don’t give a shit would be an understatement. But like what I commented on his post, im glad that I still bothered his mind enough to make him wrote about me. Cam bagus la kan when u r that impressionable that someone has got to write about u because he cannot scratch the itch to talk to me in person.

So, this is the conclusion that I can make from that posting about NB:




Hari tu I pergi post office nk post motor. Bile sampai kt pintu masuk post office tu ade la satu old couple baru keluar. I was just waiting outside for someone to bring stuff to wrap my bike ( I was posting my ego to JB). And then, out of nowhere, this pak cik naik angin agaknya. Terus die buang sampah yg die gumpal dlm tgn kt muke mak cik tu (I assumed bini die la kan, dh tua xkan la gf plak). Mmg sial la jantan cmtu. Semua org kt luar post office tu tgk. Even org yg dlm kete parking kt dpn post office tu pun tgk. I was speechless. Kalau depan org die buat mcm tu kt bini die, blkg org mcm maner la kan. Xtaulah. Even if u hate ur wife, she is the mother of ur children. Consider la sket kan. And besides that, it is a public place. Malulah org tgk. Kalau nk gaduh pun take it to to ur own sweet home.

Benda2 mcm ni la yg membuatkan aku takut berumah tangga.