Most men would always complain that it is difficult to
understand women. The same men would most probably be those men who love to
troll people online and leave comments insinuating that all women are complex
creatures. And all women are materialistic.
Men, brace yourself. Because I am going to tell you the
secret of understanding women.
Women are simple creatures, actually. Well, most women. And I
am writing from my POV as a career women. I can buy my own stuff. And I don’t need
a man. But I choose to want one specific man because he does these things to
me. And I think it is worth writing about him because we have come a long way
to get to where we are right now.
Ok, women need confirmation. That you really do love her. If
you say shit like “I don’t know, maybe someday we’ll be together” or “We’ll see
how things go from here”. Look, if you are not sure about her, leave her. In a
ballsy way. Not ghosting her, i.e blocking her on whatsapp or unfriending her on
Facebook or leaving her without any news, making her look for you and
contacting you to see if you are indeed still alive. Women would respect you
even more if you tell them the real situation. Not stringing her along and
baiting her with the bare minimum to keep her waiting for your sorry,
indecisive ass. So, if you want her, tell her. If you don’t want her, tell her.
Either way, be a man with balls and do what’s good for the both of you.
With my man, I knew he was the one within the first 3 weeks.
Don’t tell me how I know, I just do. I can’t provide you with a checklist to
see if you have found the one. At that point of time, we haven’t even met each
other yet. It was in the month of Ramadhan and both of us think that it was
inappropriate to go on a date during the fasting month. So we both waited,
until the third day of Eid Mubarak, to see each other in person. I fell for his
intellect. The way we connected on a spiritual and emotional level. The creepy
coincidences when I would be thinking of something and he would say the same
thing. We have that connection. And I don’t really care for looks or money. Looks
fade. And money won’t last forever. But intelligent conversation on topics
others don’t even think to talk about? That’s priceless.
Which brings me to the next point. Before you fall in love,
ask yourself, why? Why do I want to be in a relationship? I’ve read a quote somewhere
that loving without knowing how to love will hurt the person whom you think you
love. Corny af, right? But it’s corny because it is true. You need to know the
reason why you’re jumping into this partnership. And you need to know what you
want from the other person. What you want might not be the same like what other
people want. Some men want a woman who’s pretty, slim, smart. And it is not
wrong. And some women want a man who’s handsome, rich, drives a Honda. And again,
it’s not wrong. We are humans, we have wants and needs. So, if someone you meet
does not want to be with you, respect their decision. Maybe both of you want
different things. You might want to settle down, your partner might want to
fool around for a couple more years before returning his man card. Whatever it
is, with the right man, you do not have to try that hard. You do not have to
pretend. You just have to be yourself. And he would still love you. And with
the wrong man, you could be a noble prize winner, who happens to be Miss
Universe, but still, you are not the apple of his eyes. Simply because, you are
not right for each other.
So men, decide what you want in a woman and act accordingly.
Until you finally figure that out, do not give any promises to any woman. Do not
send texts that would make her dream and hope only to have those dreams and
hopes crushed later just because you, men, cannot figure out what you want.
Women hate to be made into an option. Choose one woman that
you want and show her how glad you are to have her in your life. Acting like an
asshole won’t help your cause.
Simple things like saying good morning or asking her about
her day or what she had for breakfast/lunch/dinner/supper/cheat day would
suffice. I know you, men, could not care less about what we, women, eat, but do
that still, just because it costs nothing and it is a nice thing to do.
And when your girl has something to tell you (complains
about her work, or her colleagues or her boss), don’t be a dick and ignore her.
Women are emotional creatures. They need to let their emotions out and not keep
it all inside. So, listen, nod a few times, insert some interjections here and
there. It would be good if you could pretend to be madder than her when she’s
already mad about the issue being discussed, that will show how much you are
invested in her and her life.
And similarly, if you have problems, don’t keep it all inside
too. Tell her. Talk to her. Women love a man who can communicate and articulate
his feelings. I know it is hard to do sometimes, to put your thoughts into
words and tell her how you really feel, but trust me, being vulnerable and
showing her that you’re human will make her appreciate you even more. If you
cannot tell everything to the person you love, who else can you tell it to?
My man and I talk about everything. We did not before. And it
brought us to a difficult place. So, since then, we tell each other everything.
If you are in a relationship where you have to watch what you say and you have
to walk on eggshells, leave now. It is not worth it. It would hurt even more in
the future.
And men, surprise her every now and then. It could be something
small. Like showing up at her house, bringing her a slice of her favourite cake
or buying her a small teddy bear, or simply writing (copy and paste would work
too) a short poem. Women dig that shit, period. Simple, but meaningful gestures
to show that you are always on her mind.
So, to recap:
1.
Women need validation.
2.
Don’t treat her like an option.
3.
Good morning/night and asking her about her day
won’t hurt.
4.
COMMUNICATE.
5.
Surprise her, every now and then.
I save the bet for last. I agree that some women live in the
50s, thinking that all men should work more for the relationship. For instance,
men should make the first move, men should call first, men should pay for
everything.
Get out of your time machine. It’s 2019.
You want to be treated like a queen? Treat him like a king.
Simple. 50-50. Give and take.
