Thursday, March 7, 2013


There comes a time in our life where we feel like we need recognition from someone else to validate our existence. During my early 20s, those moments came in the form of having a boyfriends and scandals along the way. Hey, I’m single and my boyfriend was not faithful at that time, so if you can’t stop them, join them. And that is just what I did. All of them are better than my boyfriend at the time, I got to enjoy riding on a Ducati and also Mercedes Benz. Hey, I was stupid and bored and when a guy asked me to join him for fun, I tagged along. I was lucky I never went out with any pervert who could have easily kidnapped or raped me. I guess, Allah SWT knew what I was doing was because of loneliness and not for pure evil purpose like what my ex did.

And when I started working, I had no time to endure this nitty gritty of being in a relationship. Even online relationship is too taxing. And I don’t know why, most guys with whom I conversed online were mostly creeps who were only interested in phone sex or asking for my naked pics.

I guess they never heard of porn on the Internet.

Also, there are guys with whom I chatted with on Yahoo Messenger, mostly from Arab countries and also Americans almost always asked me to get married. If I were gullible enough, I would have and could have been married for more than 10 times with these good for nothin’ type of brother.

Now, even though I am still single and should be looking for someone to settle down with, I just couldn’t find the time to be active and pursue any relationship. Most guys at work are married, still they want to ‘test market’ as Malaysians say it and hinted at me to be their second, third or fourth wife. Mind you, if I were a desperate-woman-who -can-just-accept-any-Tom, Dick and Harry type, I would’ve gotten married a long time ago. Sadly, is not just the men who acted this way, but some women too. They also want to ‘test market’. Married but having relationship which started virtually but later became serious when they started to meet this online persona for real. And then the situation worsen when these women who already have husbands at home, began to enjoy these relationships in which the men just want either three things; sex, money and sex, so much so that the husband at home became number two priority. Their monthly salary is spent on this online sweetheart who can melt any woman’s heart with their tried and true, practised courting lines. And again, sadly, these women who are bright indeed (if not, they would not have ended up being teachers or having any other professional white collar jobs) ended up being slaves to their own emotions and need to feel worthy and validated. 

I honestly don’t understand this kind of people. If you’re not happy being married, why are you still married? And do not give me bullshit answer like you need to care for your children, that is why you stay in a loveless marriage. If you really care for your children, you would not have any forbidden relationship in which you give more time and spend more money to maintain than your legal binding marriage. For the guys, I know you have 4 quotas. Still, you have to betray your first wife in order to fill up quota 2, 3 and 4. You must have lied to your first wife when you were courting wife number 2,3 and 4. As for the ladies, don’t get me started. Why do you get married and switch the heaven from your mother to your husband, only to betray your husband and thus, never even could smell heaven, let alone enter it (for Muslim women, when they are not married, heaven is metaphorically under their mother’s feet, things change when they are married, they have to be loyal to their husband as heaven is metaphorically under the husband’s feet).

I don’t understand why they got married and have children, only to do every single thing that they possibly can to jeopardize what they have. Sure, I could tolerate many things in a relationship, but infidelity is definitely the deal breaker. And speaking from my experience, nobody in this world wants to share the love, intimate love that you have with another person. So, why did these people still continue having secret relationships when they got the person they have been married with waiting at home? To ‘test market’, of course.

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