BBW

Before you started wondering what BBW means, it actually refers to the biggest book sale in Malaysia, currently being held until the 23rd at Mines Convention Centre.


As usual, if I wanted to go, my parents and my brother will tag along because God forbid, my parents won't let me hop on a bus and go there on my own.

The only problem is, I got a sick foster grandma at home and have to be look after 24/7 for the last year and a half. So, our family never had a family vacation for the last 14 years, ever since my foster grandpa died and we moved over here to keep my foster grandma company because if you ever looked after old folks, you'll know that they are absolutely hard to please and no, they won't leave their house under any circumstance so you have to move and love with them.

Yeah, the biggest book sale and I'm the biggest book junkie cannot go because we got a burden that we are shouldering as a family although my foster grandma raised up her nephew who just couldn't give a damn whether his auntie cum foster mother is dead or alive.

To make up for my broken heart, luckily my senior when I was doing my first degree who is also in the same team as me for SPM marking, who has been going back and forth to KL since his wife is a resident there, offered to buy me the books that I wanted. And boy, I gave him a long list of writers with a few exceptions as I already bought some of the books of my favourite authors for overpriced paperbacks at the only 'hip' bookstore in this God forsaken place. At least, my shattered heart are UHU glued again with the 9 books my senior bought at the BBW.

And this is also why I really despise people asking me condescendingly, "Where did you go for the holiday?" Because the truth is, I never had a holiday ever since I moved here.

And that is why the people responsible for school trips are probably crossed at me for not going to even one school trip ever since I got posted to that school. I just got tired of explaining my situation to them. Unlike some people, I  like to keep some of the problems to myself because talking about it won't resolve it. Unless you want to stay and look after my foster grandma while our family go for a much-needed holiday.

People think being single they are free to order me around to go for a school trip so I can look after the school kids while they are shopping with their family who tag along for the school trip since, let's be honest, going on a school trip is much cheaper than going for a holiday on your own.

Before this I could avoid to go by giving an excuse that I have to go for class every weekend. But when I graduate, do I have to recite the same story just to make people understand my situation? I despise people who broadcast their problem to any audience that would listen. But sometimes, keeping mum only boils other people's curiosity and this cause them to make their own assumptions.

Now, I'm the type of person who never cares about what people said. But living in a professional career with colleagues now, I could not afford for that to happen. I got a reputation to uphold. Sure, I do my work but now public image is something to take care of too. There is an extent to how much you don't give a shit. I learned that when during my first year, my colleagues bitched about me to the Senior Assistant of the school just because I minded my own fuckin business and did not get involve with the buffoonery going on every day at school.

Well, all of us could not get all that we wanted but we can compensate for the things we couldn't have.